tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54777942009-10-03T23:17:56.247-06:00Some boring tidbits that I scribble down whenever I feel like it, usually when I'm on the verge of crying. Nothing much of interest here.Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.comBlogger626125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-82892300784004023042007-10-17T18:22:00.000-06:002007-10-17T18:24:15.113-06:00

i'm writing because i have some important things to say to you that i want to make explicitly clear. i am finished with our friendship; i'm sorry, but it comes in exchange for those things in my life which i value far above any others--my husband and my children. i love them allen, and our friendship is hurting them in so many ways and on so many levels. i have hurt the only person that has ever

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-56292808483050688572007-06-30T05:30:00.000-06:002007-06-30T05:31:25.032-06:00

happiness is adderall jabbed in my thigh, a brief twinge and metallic feeling stuck inside you until a beautiful smile appears on my face. the happiness is intense, but the coming down is twice as worse as your brain and body slows. fatigue, depression and desperation, and the ability to feel absolutely nothing set in. coming down, i learned ultram holds the sadness at bay, as i plot and scheme

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-3505004151078834972007-05-18T02:19:00.000-06:002007-05-18T02:23:48.581-06:00

"I'm alive. it's a plus. to all the negatives. i abuse drugs, because it's just another way of abusing myself. i don't have anyone who cares for me or loves me that would abuse me, so I'd stay physically healthy. i don't feel right, if things are alright. it's a co dependent's way of living without a dependent, heh. i know what I'm doing everyday even if i don't acknowledge it. i get people to

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-25746790000226081122007-03-31T08:11:00.000-06:002007-03-31T08:14:02.199-06:00

[07:57] Lent Somnolence: introducing Flomax, the worlds first drug targeted to increase urinary output! feel confident again when in a public stall, don't feel unnecessary social pressure just because you used to dribble and would avoid public bathrooms. With Flomax once daily, you can urinate just like you did 30 years ago[07:58] Lent Somnolence: Remember the good times when you and the boys

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-70115579134131819492006-12-28T20:25:00.000-07:002006-12-28T20:26:11.032-07:00

[20:24] Lent Somnolence: you mean it's like that feeling where you aren't sure if you are having a heart attack or if you're having a nervous breakdown, or if the white noise in your ears and the slow motion in your eyes and the feeling in your heart means you're still heartbroken

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-9478621685398778702006-12-18T09:48:00.000-07:002006-12-18T09:51:30.460-07:00

no words inside my head. so here are borrowed ones. goodbye, farewell, drama and all, toss in a few blahs and half-assed tries, nights of crying, mornings of anxious waiting, obsessive dreams. people make me feel alive when i'm around them, right now i'm not alive. It's about time that I came clean with you...no longer fine. I'm no longer running smooth. I thought I found myself onto something

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-8815311748531990842006-12-08T14:08:00.000-07:002006-12-08T14:35:52.647-07:00

Babel - Pretty good film with converging stories and a multicultural cast for a change. I didn't know what the film was about so it was a nice surprise to watch it all unfold.Candy - Another heroin love drama rehash. It doesn't really add much to the stories other movies about the topic have other than having a less tragic ending than most. It follows two Aussie bohemians. One, a hopeless guy and

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-61447850434633395352006-12-07T00:49:00.000-07:002006-12-07T00:50:08.928-07:00

Franny where are you?

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-85320369472183853932006-12-05T00:30:00.000-07:002006-12-05T00:31:29.298-07:00

[00:26] Lent Somnolence: i only went to church a few sundays or so in elementary[00:27] Lent Somnolence: in high school i went to i think 2 or 3 sunday services, when i was baptist.. but i went to a lot of wednesday youth group, and most of the summer camps and ski trips[00:27] Lent Somnolence: i did the fun church things[00:27] Lent Somnolence: like watergun and water ballon fights[00:27] Lent

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-36252064540927494242006-11-20T18:37:00.000-07:002006-11-20T18:38:11.126-07:00

when you try, you become something else, trying is being their dream, it is false for yourself and false for them; we never think of it, that love and friendship comes without trying, but only lasting dreams come with only feelings

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-85886830335064701572006-11-20T18:33:00.000-07:002006-11-20T18:34:30.572-07:00

coming to terms with our weaknesses and secrets and admitting that we have them and they are our wolves in sheep's clothing is the only way to truly give yourself to someone, if that person can accept this wolf in sheep's clothing and if you can accept that wolf that other person has

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-88277302607957500922006-11-07T13:17:00.000-07:002006-11-07T13:21:41.946-07:00

Drunk dialing.Drunk blogging.There's no entry for drunk emailing yet, not so much as I do it while drunk, but far too often while inebriated. There's also me inebriated and chatting with people I shouldn't be.

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-28318031784186910112006-11-02T17:02:00.000-07:002006-11-02T17:04:46.930-07:00

Lent Somnolence: our lives are scripted from the days we are born, it's how we choose to act them out that makes us different. whether we are the star of the party, or whether we are the failure in the cornerLent Somnolence: we're given our script, cut, drawn, and plain. well read and unpracticed, however, and we go through each day either bold in our actions or fumbling in our lines. that's how

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-69757497242109852992006-11-02T16:48:00.001-07:002006-11-02T16:48:42.307-07:00

Lent Somnolence: you know this rash of insight i have lately? the source of my introspection and feelings? television drama. the modernization of talking to your best buddy about how you feel.Lent Somnolence: except now, you just listen, and they talk. and you get to think. not talk about. not discuss. not argue. just face your feelings.

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-83068638351838114982006-11-02T16:43:00.000-07:002006-11-02T16:48:04.775-07:00

Lent Somnolence: (paraphrased) Emotions are messy, tuck them neatly away and step into a clean sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture, and close. But sometimes you're faced with a cut that won't close. A cut that rips its stitches wide open. They say practice makes perfect. Cut, suture, and close. And the harder it begins to turn it off, to stop thinking and remember what it

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-47875901709237073832006-11-02T16:35:00.000-07:002006-11-02T16:49:40.133-07:00

Lent Somnolence: i knew a lady named star, who wore sparkly glasses and spangly bracelets, and was a bit odd.Lent Somnolence: she murdered someone with a heart that i knewLent Somnolence: backed over him with the family van in the drivewayLent Somnolence: drove over his body twiceLent Somnolence: went into the kitchen and called the police and waitedLent Somnolence: calmlyLent Somnolence: her

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-88523339038895718102006-11-02T16:17:00.000-07:002006-11-02T16:49:47.254-07:00

Lent Somnolence: there's a thing some people have called strength, some people call it being emotionally void, some people call it inner will, but i just call it something i don't have. some people call that being passionate about lifeLent Somnolence: i just call it making mistakes

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-23832150337418654572006-10-31T13:06:00.000-07:002006-11-02T16:50:04.630-07:00

Lent Somnolence: i'm only doing things to try to forget why i'm depressed and upset in the first place. denial, avoidance, and all that, to get past. meh. but, it works for millions of people everyday. ask anyone on the street. they'll deny it and you'll have confirmation :p

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-69258720227104840262006-10-31T12:44:00.000-07:002006-10-31T12:49:13.793-07:00

I blacked out last night. First time in a while that it has happened to me. I didn't take that much stuff, compared to what I used to do on a nightly basis. I have 6 or so unaccounted hours for that are a complete blank. I never did like blacking out, but I always woke up feeling kind of good and kind of dreadful, but chances were I did something amusing and unusual and at some point in the

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-4533763734160061612006-10-29T13:59:00.000-07:002006-10-29T14:07:44.417-07:00

There's a old ritual, repeated in different forms that dates back to Sumerian rituals. It's mostly known now as a kind of military tradition in the air force and navy, practiced in different ways. Crossing the line means a lot of things. Some of the way it is done now is an acceptance ritual, and for some, it's more of a religious promise. For example, drawing a line of salt between two groups of

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-17072647482187649312006-10-27T12:22:00.000-06:002006-10-27T12:26:33.352-06:00

there is this child, a young boy, that from the moment he saw me treated me like a father. i'm not used to that. i'm not used to children, and i'm not used to having such protective feelings for a kid in general. but the way he reached out and made me feel, it was kind of odd. i never felt like i'd be so protective and so caring, much less for someone i had just met a moment ago.i never felt like

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-24694520373936429062006-10-27T12:18:00.000-06:002006-10-27T12:20:58.643-06:00

it's a childish way to try to explain myself through the actions of others, but what am i doing with my life. i'm living in the moment. i'm living as that freshman in college, experiencing all that can happen, fully aware of all the hurt i'm putting myself through. fully aware that the more i hit myself with a hammer, the better i'll feel afterwards, because it's so damn good. the more hurt that

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-1899170214173499722006-10-27T12:12:00.000-06:002006-10-27T12:13:36.661-06:00

maybe you used to be like me. who knows. maybe you can understand from that perspective. maybe you never were, and maybe that is why it's so painful.i hate pain. i hate causing pain. i hate that i do cause pain, in such vindictive ways. i do. it hurts me more than the other person to read what i write or say. i do it anyway. i'm sick of it, but change comes slow and it might not ever change.we

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-61230093988350814922006-10-27T02:35:00.000-06:002006-10-27T02:46:18.067-06:00

There's a few more places left in the world that I'd like to visit. I've gotten most of the far away places done at some point earlier, but I haven't had a grand old time stomping around elsewhere. Here's my list of the *necessary* places I need to visit.1. Australia & New Zealand. These are put together because I want to observe the speciation of offshore saltwater silversides into more brackish

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5477794.post-56901633516395243872006-10-26T05:14:00.000-06:002006-10-26T05:19:22.770-06:00

letter to an undisclosed personit snowed tonight. not as much as they said it would, of course. but enough. more than it has the past few times. enough to call it a real snowstorm, with a few inches of snow hanging off the branches. not the shroud of white covering everything when you open your eyes and you don't know where the ground is because the sharp, cold air is making you high, and your

Lent Somnolencenoreply@blogger.com0