Starting out

Starting today wasn't the best. Starting usually is where I screw things up. Waking up, starting out, remembering those dreams that you wish you would stop. Stop wishing, stop having, just stop.
I'm no big loss, is what they say when they turn their face, or say it doesn't matter, or shrug slightly and shift the topic.
I feel so empty lately, no reason inside to write, it's a tired story that isn't any better in the retelling. I don't charge fees, I don't charge admission, and it's still a wonder that there's anyone listening. I'm late night TV, blury and something only to watch as you try to fall asleep.
I want some pity, some attention, something from someone, to make myself lie a little more to myself so the days are a little easier.
I'm so tired of starting each day. I'm all run out, and it doesn't matter if i'm awake or asleep, my life won't change and my state won't change anyone else's life. Just dream those dreams that make me cry, and wake up and take those pills that make me sleep some more, to escape the more pressing weight of being alive and awake with an empty heart and mind.

Just rinse and repeat, as these days turn into months and somehow my life has turned into years of push-button numbness.

Sleep some more, lie to me some more, give me some empty pity to make the days a little easier.