Trying isn't it

when you try, you become something else, trying is being their dream, it is false for yourself and false for them; we never think of it, that love and friendship comes without trying, but only lasting dreams come with only feelings

My wolf

coming to terms with our weaknesses and secrets and admitting that we have them and they are our wolves in sheep's clothing is the only way to truly give yourself to someone, if that person can accept this wolf in sheep's clothing and if you can accept that wolf that other person has

Silly stuff

Drunk dialing.

Drunk blogging.

There's no entry for drunk emailing yet, not so much as I do it while drunk, but far too often while inebriated. There's also me inebriated and chatting with people I shouldn't be.

Scripted drama

Lent Somnolence: our lives are scripted from the days we are born, it's how we choose to act them out that makes us different. whether we are the star of the party, or whether we are the failure in the corner
Lent Somnolence: we're given our script, cut, drawn, and plain. well read and unpracticed, however, and we go through each day either bold in our actions or fumbling in our lines. that's how we live. scripted, bad or good.
***: but i think really, if i would just give a wild percentage, maybe 25% or fewer, definitely fewer are intellectual feelers"
***: that's analyizing it too much allen
Lent Somnolence: no, it's romanticizing it
Lent Somnolence: not analyzing it
***: yes
***: it is
***: you're right
Lent Somnolence: being me isn't analytic, i'm cold and rational and heartless, but i'm romantic in expression, even if it's as cold as dry ice
***: the poets, the lyricists, the playwrights, the screenwriters
***: they are the minority
***: you can relate to them, because you are like them
Lent Somnolence: no. i can relate because i can feel without regret
***: you "hear" them, and have that one sided discussion with them
Lent Somnolence: people regret, even i regret, but regret for me comes later. feeling comes first
***: and feel that source of introspection and rash of feeling because it's already *in* you

[...]

Lent Somnolence: i'm making every statement into a pithy quote. sorry.
***: last night, do you know what i thought
***: i wished that i could live in a song
Lent Somnolence: that i should write love drama's full of suicide?

modern insight

Lent Somnolence: you know this rash of insight i have lately? the source of my introspection and feelings? television drama. the modernization of talking to your best buddy about how you feel.
Lent Somnolence: except now, you just listen, and they talk. and you get to think. not talk about. not discuss. not argue. just face your feelings.

Cut, suture, close

Lent Somnolence: (paraphrased) Emotions are messy, tuck them neatly away and step into a clean sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture, and close. But sometimes you're faced with a cut that won't close. A cut that rips its stitches wide open. They say practice makes perfect. Cut, suture, and close. And the harder it begins to turn it off, to stop thinking and remember what it means to be a human being.
Lent Somnolence: that's what you are doing to yourself you know. by admitting defeat
Lent Somnolence: cut, suture, close
Lent Somnolence: one day those stitches will rip right out again
Lent Somnolence: hearts aren't meant to stay healed

the things that hold two people together

Lent Somnolence: i knew a lady named star, who wore sparkly glasses and spangly bracelets, and was a bit odd.
Lent Somnolence: she murdered someone with a heart that i knew
Lent Somnolence: backed over him with the family van in the driveway
Lent Somnolence: drove over his body twice
Lent Somnolence: went into the kitchen and called the police and waited
Lent Somnolence: calmly
Lent Somnolence: her name was star
Lent Somnolence: was star
Lent Somnolence: his name was *******
Lent Somnolence: that's all i know about murder. it happens when it isn't expected over the smallest things. they had an argument in the kitchen. a mild one as fights go.
Lent Somnolence: then you are dead.
Lent Somnolence: he was **** uncle
Lent Somnolence: i told *** to sit at her sentencing and watch her eyes
Lent Somnolence: so she did, for herself, and for me
Lent Somnolence: this was when we were apart, i was in colorado
Lent Somnolence: but sometimes ties like that aren't broken, common threads between people that make us human through all the hate we can harbor for those we love

passionate mistakes

Lent Somnolence: there's a thing some people have called strength, some people call it being emotionally void, some people call it inner will, but i just call it something i don't have. some people call that being passionate about life
Lent Somnolence: i just call it making mistakes