Kill vampires.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5600591477&category=1469&rd=1

This auction will disappear inevitably even if eBay doesn't take it down, so I've copied the text of the auction for preservation.

PLEASE WATCH THIS ITEM

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WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT IS THE NEWEST KIT OUT DESIGNED FOR KILLING VAMPIRES. THIS KIT WAS MADE TO BRING OLD STYLE INTO THE 21ST CENTURY.

WE HAVE ALL BEEN TOLD THAT VAMPIRES ARE JUST MYTHS FROM HISTORY, AND THAT STORIES HAVE BEEN MADE UP THROUGH THE YEARS JUST TO SCARE US OR SELL MOVIES.

WELL IF THIS IS TRUE THEN WHY DO SO MANY COUNTRIES HAVE SO MANY BELIEFS ABOUT THESE MYSTERY FIGURES.

THE KIT THAT YOU ARE FIXING TO SEE IN THE FOLLOWING PICTURES AND HEAR DESCRIBED IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS WAS DESIGNED BY SOMEONE WELL VERSED ON THE VAMPIRE FOLKLORE. HE ASKED TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS BECAUSE OF BELIEFS HE HAS AND BECAUSE OF HIS DEALINGS WITH THE SO CALLED MYTHS.

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I WILL SAY THAT HE IS NOT FROM THE UNITED STATES AND AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PICTURES OF THE CASE THERE IS A LUGGAGE TAG ATTACHED FROM WHERE HE SENT THIS CASE TO ME. I WILL NOT REVEAL THE LOCATION AT THIS TIME BUT IF THE BIDDING OR WATCHERS GET HIGH ENOUGH I WILL TAKE A PICTURE OF THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TAG AND ADD IT TO THE LISTING.



CHANGING FROM EIGHTEENTH CENTURY TO TWENTY FIRST CENTURY IN A VAMPIRE KILLING KIT IS NOT THAT DIFFICULT AS MOST THINGS STILL WORK THE WAY THEY USED TO AS ACCORDING TO LEGEND.

THE ONLY REAL CHANGES THAT HAVE BEEN FOUND BY PEOPLE DEALING WITH THIS AREA IS THAT WOODEN STAKES AND CROSSES ARE NOT NECESSARY AND NEWER MATERIALS ARE MUCH EASIER TO COME BY AND DESIGN. THE OTHER ITEMS THAT WERE USED WAY BACK WHEN ARE STILL JUST AS EFFECTIVE, AND STILL QUITE EASY TO COME BY.

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HERE IS THE KIT AND ITS CONTENTS: WHAT YOU ARE BIDDING ON IS AN ALUMINUM CASE AS DESCRIBED WITH THE FOLLOWING CONTENTS:

THE CASE IS ALUMINUM WITH BLACK CORNER TRIM AND BLACK EDGE ACCENTS, IT HAS 2 LOCKABLE CLASPS TO KEEP UNWANTED PERSONS OUT. IT HAS 4 BUTTON FEET ON THE BOTTOM. IT HAS A CARRYING HANDLE AND THE MEASURMENTS ARE 18" WIDE X 13" LONG X 6" DEEP. IT IS CUSHIONED ON THE INSIDE WITH A POCKETED LEAF THAT SPIN SNAPS IN PLACE.

1.
THE FIRST ITEM IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE. AS EVERYONE KNOWS THE FIRST DEFENSE WHEN FIGHTING VAMPIRES IS THE CROSS. IT SYMBOLIZES RELIGION AND EVERYTHING THE VAMPIRE IS AGAINST. THIS CROSS IS BEAUTIFUL AND MADE OF CAST ALUMINUM WITH BEAUTIFUL DESIGN WORK. IT MEASURES 17" TALL AND 10 1/2" ACROSS
2.
THE NEXT ITEM IS SIMULAR TO THE LAST ONLY IT IS MORE PERSONAL AND CAN BE WORN AS PERSONAL PROTECTION AGAINST THE VAMPIRE. IT IS A SILVER CROSS PENDANT ON A 12" CHAIN TO BE WORN AROUND THE NECK OF THE VAMPIRE HUNTER.
3.
NEXT THERE IS A SMALL FLASHLIGHT, NO ONE WANTS TO GO INTO A DARK DUNGEON OR BASEMENT IN SEARCH OF VAMPIRES WITH OUT SOME TYPE OF LIGHT. CANDLES USED TO BE THE LIGHT OF CHOICE BUT THE FLASHLIGHT IS MUCH MORE RELIABLE AND A BIG IMPROVEMENT FROM OLDER KITS
4.
THE SMALL WHITE BIBLE IN THIS KIT IS USED TO READ THE GOSPEL OVER CHILDRENS HEADS AS A REMEDY AGAINST ATTACKS AND ALSO FOR EXORCISM. THIS IS ALL EXPLAINED IN THE BOOK INCLUDED WITH THIS KIT.
5.
THERE ARE THREE GLASS VIALS THAT WERE USED FOR MIXING DIFFERENT TYPES OF CURES OR REMEDY.
6.
THERE IS ONE VIAL OF RED LIQUID USED TO INTISE THE VAMPIRE OR LEAD HIM TO WHERE HE IS MOST VENERABLE
7.
THERE ARE 4 GLASS CANISTERS INCLUDED IN THIS KIT WITH EACH ONE CONTAINING A VERY IMPORTANT INGREDIENT. THE FIRST IS FILLED WITH POPPY SEEDS VAMPIRES HAVE A FASCINATION WITH COUNTING AND POPPY SEEDS ARE USED TO SPRINKLE IN OR AROUND THE COFFIN OF A VAMPIRE OR YOUR DOORSTEP OF YOUR HOME. THE VAMPIRE WILL HAVE TO COUNT EACH AND EVERY POPPYSEED BEFORE HE LEAVES AND BY THIS TIME THE SUN WILL BE COMING UP AND HE WILL HAVE TO STAY IN THE COFFIN OR RETURN TO IT BEFORE THE LIGHT. THE NEXT CANISTER IS FILLED WITH GARLIC POWDER AND THE NEXT WITH GARLIC CLOVES, VAMPIRES ARE KNOWN TO HATE GARLIC AND SUSPECTED VAMPIRES WERE OFFERED GARLIC TO EAT TO SEE IF IT WAS REFUSED. THE LAST IS FILLED WITH HOLY WATER USED TO SPRINKLE OR POUR ON VAMPIRES AS THIS CAUSED A BURNING OF THE FLESH AND WOULD WEAKEN THE VAMPIRE.
8.
THERE ARE ALSO 3 CLOTH BAGS INCLUDED, ONE WHICH CONTAINS RICE GRANULES USED THE SAME AS THE POPPY SEED, AND 2 EXTRAS FOR OTHER MEANS EXPLAINED IN THE BOOK. EXAMPLE: A PINCH OF SALT IN A CLOTH BAG HUNG AROUND A CHILDS NEXT WILL WARD OFF ATTACKS BY A VAMPIRE.
9.
THERE ARE 4 LEAD FILLED BRASS TEMPERATURE RELEASED CAPSULES. ONE WAY OF DESTROYING A VAMPIRE IS TO BURN IT IN ITS COFFIN AND BY PLACING ONE OF THESE CAPSULES IN THE EDGE OF THE ENCLOSURE THE LEAD WILL RELEASE AT 255 DEGREES AND SEAL THE COFFIN SHUT.
10.
THERE ARE 2--- 18" COPPER PLATED SILVER TIPPED SOLID RODS USED FOR STAKING THE VAMPIRE INTO THE COFFIN. MYTH HAS IT THAT THEY SHOULD BE DRIVEN THROUGH THE HEART BUT THEY WERE MAINLY USED JUST TO HOLD THE VAMPIRE INTO THE COFFIN. IT IS ALSO SAID THAT THEY SHOULD BE DRIVEN WITH A SINGLE BLOW AND THE NEWER STYLE RODS ARE HEAVY ENOUGH TO ACCOMPLISH THIS FEAT.
11.
THERE ARE ALSO 2---6" COPPER PLATED SILVER TIPPED SOLID RODS THAT ARE ALSO USED FOR STAKING THE VAMPIRE TO THE COFFIN THROUGH THE HANDS OR FEET.
12.
THIS NEXT VERY IMPORTANT ITEM IS USED IN THE FINAL PROCESS OF KILLING THE VAMPIRE AND ONE OF THE ONLY KNOWN WAYS OF KEEPING THE UNDEAD DEAD. THE NEXT ITEM IS A 12" FIXED BLADE KNIFE USED FOR DECAPITATION. IT IS SAID THAT THE HEAD SHOULD BE REMOVED AND PLACED BETWEEN THE LEGS OF THE VAMPIRE AND THE REMAINS BURNED TO ASHES.
13.
NEXT IS A SMALLER 7" OPENED 3" BLADE 4" CLOSED KNIFE FOR PERSONAL PROTECTION WITH A CLIP TO CARRY ON YOUR PERSON.
14.
I HAVE ALSO PERSONALLY ADDED A BOOK THAT I COMPILED FROM INTERNET SOURCES THAT EXPLAIN HOW MOST OF THE ITEMS IN THIS KIT WERE USED AND THE MYTHS AND LEGENDS FROM AROUND THE WORLD. IT HAS SOME VERY INTERESTING MATERIAL INSIDE THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE USEFUL.
15.
LAST ITEM TO BE MENTIONED WOULD BE THE KEYS THAT LOCK THIS CASE UP, THEY ALSO HAVE A CROSS PENDANT ON THEM TO KEEP THEM OUT OF THE HANDS OF ANY VAMPIRE THAT MAY WANT TO DESTROY THE ITEMS INSIDE.

THIS CASE IS NOT IN PERFECT CONDITION IT HAS SOME SCRATCHES AND SCUFF MARKS FROM SHIPPING BUT IS STILL FULLY FUNCTIONAL. ALL ITEMS INSIDE ARE IN PERFECT CONDITION

THIS IS THE COMPLETE CONTENTS OF THIS CASE AND ALL ITEMS FIT PERFECTLY INSIDE. THIS CASE WILL MAKE A WONDERFUL GIFT TO ANY PERSON WITH INTEREST IN VAMPIRES OR ANYONE WITH AN ADVENTUROUS HEART.

DISPLAY THIS CASE OPEN IN YOUR OFFICE AND WATCH HOW MANY HOURS OF CONVERSATION IT WILL GENERATE.

I PERSONALLY HATE A RESERVE TYPE AUCTION THAT I HAVE TO BID ON UNTIL I REACH A SET PRICE,SO I AM STARTING THIS AUCTION OFF AT A VERY LOW STARTING BID. THE ITEMS CONTAINED IN THIS CASE ARE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THIS LOW STARTING PRICE SO BID WITH CONFIDENCE YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED

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PLEASE ADD THIS AUCTION TO YOUR WATCH LIST SO THAT IT MIGHT REACH THE PULSE PAGE.



REMEMBER THAT IF THIS AUCTION GENERATES ENOUGH ATTENTION I WILL REVEAL THE FRONT SIDE OF THE FLIGHT SHIPPING TAG AND WHERE THIS ITEM WAS PUT TOGETHER AND DESIGNED. IF NOT ONLY THE WINNING BIDDER WILL EVER KNOW WHERE IT BEGAN.

PLEASE KNOW THAT THIS ITEM IS BEING AUCTION AS A NOVELTY ITEM AND IS NEVER INTENDED TO BE USED FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS.

WE ALL KNOW THAT VAMPIRES DON'T EXIST AND OR ONLY A FIGMENT OF OUR IMAGINATION.

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE???

COME ON CASINOS THIS WOULD LOOK GREAT IN YOUR LOBBY.

THIS IS TRULY A ONE OF A KIND ITEM. THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER ONE BUILT. UNLESS COPIED BY SOMEONE ELSE AND IT WOULD NOT BE AS PERFECTLY DETAILED AS THIS ORIGINAL.

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO OWN THIS UNIQUE KIT SO GO AHEAD AND MAKE YOUR BID NOW AND REMEMBER TO PLEASE ADD US TO YOUR WATCH LIST

THANK YOU FOR LOOKING AND GOOD LUCK BIDDING.



THE ORIGINAL DESIGNER AND THE SELLER OF THIS ITEM IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MISUSE OF ANY OF THE OBJECTS IN THIS CASE

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I would like to say thanks to buyweird.com for adding my auction to their page. Please visit this site daily for odd auctions

I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SAY THANKS TO SHORTBUSAUCTIONS, THANKS RICK FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE, IF YOU HAVEN'T PURCHASED HIS (GET TO THE PULSE AUCTION) YOU ARE MISSING OUT.



IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD YET THERE ARE QUITE A FEW CHEATERS OUT THERE WHO ARE STEALING THEIR WAY TO THE PULSE, PLEASE WATCH THIS ITEM AND HELP ME MAKE IT THERE THE HONEST WAY.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME BEG ITS NOT REAL PRETTY WHEN I BEG JUST EMAIL MY WIFE AND ASK HER, IF YOU'VE COME THIS FAR DOWN THE PAGE JUST CLICK THAT NEXT LINK AND FORGET ABOUT IT OR IF YOU WANT A REALLY COOL LOOKING KIT MAKE THAT BID!!! THANKS BEFORE HAND TO EVERYONE WHO HELPS ME OUT ON THIS AUCTION.

GOD BLESS AND HAPPY VAMPIRE HUNTING.



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:

On Jul-24-05 at 10:03:41 PDT, seller added the following information:

wow 220 lookers and only 3 watchers, come on ebayers help a poor boy out and click the watch my auction banner. please please please

On Jul-26-05 at 09:58:09 PDT, seller added the following information:

WOW 3285 LOOKERS THAT IS SO COOL

BUT ONLY 25 WATCHERS, HEY THANKS YOU GUYS THANKS FOR THE HELP

COME ON GUYS THIS AUCTION MAY BE MY ONLY CHANCE TO GET TO THE PULSE PLEASE HELP ME OUT CLICK THAT BANNER AND WATCH!!!

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MURIGEN KENMONCAREY AND THE HIGH BIDDER AT THIS TIME (WELIKEWEBUY) YOU GUYS ROCK!!! YOU ARE REALLY GOING TO LIKE THIS CASE IF YOU ARE THE WINNER. IT IS GOING TO HAVE PEOPLE TALKING EVERYTIME THEY SEE IT. THANKS AGAIN AND IF YOU ARE THE HIGH BIDDER AND WANT YOUR SITE LISTED HERE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW I WILL BE GLAD TO DISPLAY IT HERE

On Jul-26-05 at 10:37:11 PDT, seller added the following information:

10 new watchers in 20 minutes we can do this folks keep on clicking that watch my auction banner and thanks to all of you again

On Jul-26-05 at 17:01:44 PDT, seller added the following information:

Woo Hoo OVER 10,000 VISITORS AND WE ARE UP TO 82 WATCHERS, THIS IS GREAT I LOVE ALL THE QUESTIONS KEEP THEM COMING!!!

I SEE THAT MY FIRST BIDDER HAS TAKEN THE LEAD AGAIN, CONGRATS KENMONCAREY. HEY YOU OTHER GUYS I THINK HE OR SHE WANTS IT NOW DON'T JUST STAND BACK AND LET IT GO MAKE HIM/HER WORK FOR IT. BID BID BID

IF YOU HAVE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH THE QUESTIONS YOU'LL NOTICE THAT ONE PERSON SUGGESTED A WATER GUN OR SUPER SOAKER FOR THE HOLY WATER AND SAID HE WOULD PAY $50.00 MORE FOR THIS. WELL I DIDN'T SEE HIS BID YET BUT IF THE BID GOES UP THAT $50.00 I WILL INCLUDE THE SUPER SOAKER AND THE EXTRA GALLON OF HOLY WATER AS A TRIBUTE TO THIS PERSONS BRAIN STORM.



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On Jul-26-05 at 18:50:58 PDT, seller added the following information:

YEAH FOR YOU APPLEANDWAXY MY NEW HIGH BIDDER PLANNING ON MAKING KILLING THOSE VAMPIRES EASIER, WITH LESS TERMITES IN THOSE WOODEN STAKES. THANKS AND GOOD LUCK

ITS YOUR TURN KENMONCAREY YOU'VE BEEN WITH ME FROM THE BEGINNING HANG IN THERE!!!!

$45 MORE AND WE THROW IN THE HOLYWATER FILLED SUPER SOAKER!!!!!

I HAD PROMISED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE AUCTION TO REVEAL WHERE THIS CASE WAS DESIGNED AND SHIPPED FROM IF THE PRICE GOT HIGH ENOUGH, WELL I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN ANSWERING ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS THAT I HAVE DECIDED TO GO AHEAD AND TELL YOU NOW. I CAN'T ADD A PICTURE BUT THE FLIGHT TAG STATES THAT THIS CASE WAS DESIGNED AND FLOWN IN FROM TRANSYLVANIA HOME OF THE FIRST KNOWN VAMPIRE NAMED VLAD TEPES "AKA" VLAD THE IMPALER.

HIS FATHER WAS CALLED DRACUL (WHICH MEANS DEVIL OR DRAGON) SO VLAD WAS ALSO CALLED DRACULA WHICH MEANS SON OF DRACUL

WELL NOW YOU KNOW MY SECRET MAYBE THIS WILL HELP MAYBE NOT. I THINK ITS PRETTY COOL THAT IT CAME FROM THE AREA FIRST KNOWN FOR VAMPIRES I HOPE YOU DO TOO.

WELL BACK TO THE AUCTION KEEP SENDING THOSE QUESTIONS AND KEEP ON BIDDING AND DON'T FORGET



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Can the police mania please stop now?

Britain Says Man Killed by Police Had No Tie to Bombings

LONDON, July 23 - Scotland Yard admitted Saturday that a man police officers chased and shot to death at point-blank range in front of horrified subway passengers on Friday had nothing to do with the investigation into the bombing attacks here.

Everyone is on edge with the recent surge of terrorist activity in London, a previously untouched safe haven. It goes to follow that Tony Blair, major supporter of the War on Terror and George Bush Jr's most valued international supporter would of attracted the attention of militant Islamic groups. The vacancy in time, only goes to show us, that those with hate and anger against the results of our misinformed War on Terror have extreme patience and can strike at any moment, especially when it is least suspected. If the recent attempts to bomb subway stations yet again had succeeded, I shudder to realize at what consequences this would of had on a such a stoic nation of Britain. The aftershocks would of sent fragile Americans reeling, yet again faced, with the failure of this illegitimate war against a race of people, not a nation of people. Echoes of faded 9/11 memories become fresh yet again, and fertile breeding grounds for racism, hatred and the desire for revenge will not help us or anyone in the world -- those supporting America, and those nations that rightfully dispute our Middle East occupation. The time could of been ripe for yet another declaration by our commander-in-chief to declare vigilance against unseen and unknown terrorists; what target might he have picked out now? Does he have any Islamic countries on his hit list left? Most of them have quietly succummed to our petty whims of thieving hands (we take and we give, but we always take more) in regards to terrorist-related activity in their own homes. What political spin would of been put on it, what would our dubious president be saying on national TV to stir up the American people, to continue this farce of a war, and to direct our own misfortunes against people far and distant -- the better so we cannot feel their pain or identify with it. Perhaps, sadly, at this very moment we would be at war with another Islamic nation, yet again angering any Muslims that do already not have strong anti-US sentiment.

America is overbearing, repeatedly being told we are unwanted in many areas of the world. Military might is designed for, yes peace, to deter attacks against us, and to assist allied nations. The military is not a political device as such that we employ it, enforcing trade embargoes and restricting trade to countries that don't quite see eye to eye with our economic philosophy. Our military is not wanted in the Middle East, these so-called developing nations, are indeed developing, without our help, and in their own fashion. If they wanted democracy, it would of come to them from the inside, like the majority of other democratic nations. It isn't something that can be forced upon a nation and then expect the resultant country to flourish in some half-misguided dream that we still retain from the time of the Cold War and fear of communism fueled us, instead of fear of Islam. It's not a Cold War this time, they do not have the resources to elevate it to that status, but it's a different kind of war, a Guerilla War with unconventional rules that military strength is woefully inadequate to deal with and never will be. The Islamic nations that we are allied with, are doing extremely well without a need for Western-style government, for example, Saudi Arabia, and the UAE. If one has visited the UAE, you might be amazed at just how forward-thinking this country is, it is far beyond the USA or UK in technological achievement and implementation of it. Perhaps we could learn a lesson from our Muslim friends, but of course, the price of democracy seems to come with arrogance, so it's doubtful.

Destabilization of the middle-east is not something America, other Western nations, or Middle Eastern countries want. Disarmament of troublesome regimes is one thing, but toppling an entire economic region with military might and extended American presence only leads to a sense of enfeeblement. We are sorely lacking in understanding the religious mind-set of this area, and we refuse to accept that countries would enjoy to govern themselves (with their problems and all -- yes we have our own problems too; and ever political system works them out in their own way). No one needs, or wants, intervention from Big Brother and Friends. Our heavy-handed behavior under the leadership of George Bush Jr., can be hard to be seen except for a child trying to live up to a father's expectations, desperately trying to leave a lasting mark on the work. Fortunately, historians are intelligent and I have faith that this period of time will not be written down as the bright-eyed vigilante justice that is trying to be portrayed. It may be popular with the majority of American citizens, but the educated write the books and in time future generations can see this blasphemy for what it was. Now I fear that this kind of ill-informed justice is spreading to other nations, the UK, now, with their fear, albeit they have responded quite well to homeland threats, but repeated attempts might put a damper even on their indomitable reserve. Time will see, but already panic from the substantial Muslim population in a tolerant nation of other beliefs, is reaching proportions of fear, and mass-hysteria is not something we want, in minorities or the majority population. Those of us in these Western countries can try to stem the tide of insanity and give the rest of the world some breathing room -- in the end it's up to the individual, not the president and a nation the decides the future.

In this new world of worldwide terrorism and misunderstood hatreds, it's not difficult to see what might happen in the future. It's a scary future, and I myself don't feel welcome in America itself, being not 100% pure Caucasian, I have received undue scrutiny from police officers in several situations, and whether it's paranoia or not, I feel that I'm not quite a welcome member of society. I'm slightly on the edge, accepted, not hated (yet), but the evil eye from seniors and white trash when I venture out into the public is enough to make me shudder and pray for the collective idiocracy and gullibility of the American public. This isn't a war on terror, there was never a target of terror to attack, it's a war to promote racism, to fearmonger, and to continually make citizens of this country unsafe so that there is unflagging faith for our elected officials, while we turn a blind eye to the rights that are being stolen out from under our feet. When this all is over, if it does end, what will we be left with? What rights will you have? This Orwellian future, whether it becomes extreme or not, is frightening me, and yes I shake at night at my own safety. Not from so-called terrorists who are doing what they feel is right in their misguided way, but from our elected officials and those citizens that have been brainwashed by inflammatory speeches.

The subsequent rulings of arming select British police officers and giving them shoot-on-sight and shoot-to-kill orders is rash. There isn't a strong enough word to describe the insanity of this decision. Yes, I had expected more from the level-headed Britainians in their own hard-hit aftermath. I expected too much from the human condition. Hysteria can strike anywhere, and that is the goal of terrorism, not the destruction of life, or property. They want fear, and they have achieved it in yet another country, stalwart defenders who have stuck by America regardless if I feel they shouldn't have. I feel for the Britainians and I feel for the dirty wash of madness rushing over the weaker-minded populace there. I fear for the non-white, non-majority populations in residence in what used to be a tolerant nation of all faiths, races and beliefs. The Muslim coalitions there are hard at work to put out the fires of hatred, fear, and misdirected anger; and I wish them the best and hope for their success. Another hysteria and another misdirected War on Terror is not what the world of Britain, or America needs. We need a touch of sanity, not this rush of madness.

The ranting is over, and the meat of why I was outraged is this: the man shot dead was seen leaving a house under surveillance, wearing a heavy jacket, and later tripping in the subway. Police officers took offense to this sudden, and undoubtedly fearsome act of tripping and subsequently shot him dead, at point blank range -- no questions asked, following the new set policy of shoot-to-kill of the metropolitan police. Possible terrorists, no questions asked, just suspicion. We cannot expect the loss of innocent lives in this post-world era of predominant fear, but we can try to minimize it, and ask questions first and follow well practiced police procedure and disarm the person if necessary and jail them (under terrorism laws) and ask questions -- we have no need to kill at sight. The person had no ties with any of the bombings as the Scotland Yard later reported, no apologies, no sympathies for any family members of the victim. Just a simple statement, not even an apology of police indiscretion. That is saddening. One day soon, we can walk down the street, and be shot dead for looking too nervous, or staring at the wrong person -- and there will be no regrets, there will be no apologies, there will be no eulogy for us; because we were in the wrong, by being alive, by being in that place, and by being ourselves.

Is this the place we want to live in? Is this the place we want to raise our children? Is this the place we feel safe in? Is this level of unquestioned violence necessary to protect our well-being? Have we been asked if we want this? Have we been asked if we would rather live our lives and continue to live, instead of existing in a quasi-police state for that fleeting sense of false security?

I don't know what your answer is, but I know what mine is. It's a resounding no. Let me live, I can take horror and death, I can take fear, but let me live my life without fear from a government that is meant to protect me. Let me live my life without the deaths of innocent bystanders and guilty criminals on my shoulders. Let me live my life.

Wireheads in our midst.

The Outrage Starts
Let me start with the open letter to the FDA to reject the premarket approval (PMA) for Vagus Nerve Stimulation use in depression. This was dated May 11, 2005 and contained quite a bit of information that shows a severe and questionable lack of data on the device, in particular the safety and efficacy of the device has not been tested. In addition, the only randomized trial failed to demonstrate efficacy for treatment-resistant depression. It goes on to discuss the nonrandomized data submitted was called "highly questionable" by the FDA statistician reviewing the material. Again, in a massive lack of oversight, or coverup there was no subsequent investigations into possible VNS related suicides, or clinical worsening of depression. This kind of cover-up should be familiar with anyone loosely following SmithKline Beecham (Paxil), and other similar antidepressant drugs.

Now
Last Friday, the FDA has approved a vagus nerve stimulator in implant form. It was a turnaround decision, surprise on all sides, as the advisory board did not recommend approval. Success rates are not really quantified, or well known, the trial sizes were extremely small (less than 100), and some place benefit from the device at 30%, but other studies peg it at around 17%-20%. Lets call it even and say it helps 1 out of 4 people, for a retail cost of nearly $10,000, if your insurance does not cover it. Which in most cases it will not, unless repeated ECT treatments have not worked. By that time you are for all intents a wirehead with repeated and necessary bilateral brain shocks and induced seizures to continue to stay in remission. These are colloquially called maintenance treatments, and typically range from every month to every 3 months, depending on your need (or is that addiction?). One must not forget cognitive decline, memory loss, and possible fatal or permanent damage from repeated barbituate sedation; really is this any better than other methods of treatment? You're happily stupid, but yes, radical me, would advocate methadone treatment (regardless of need for opiates) to induce happiness and rehabilitation without risk of permanent and severe damage to yourself and the quality of your life.

What happened to ECT?
A little known fact in psychiatric and patient circles is that the the two most common manufactures of ECT devices (Mecta, Somatics) in use in hospitals areunlicensed by the FDA for safety concerns and lack of testing -- isn't that a comforting thought? Being shocked into seizures by a device that is not FDA approved?

Cybertronics VNS Device
For a rational look at what this device does and how it is thought to work, this NPR article is a good introduction. In sum, electrodes are implanted in an area of the brain known as Area 25, a device is also implanted near your heart which controls the electrical impulses sent to the electrodes. Area 25 is associated with feelings of sadness, and has been located with PET scanning when comparing depressed volunteers to healthy volunteers. In tests, scripted material with sad content was shown to activate this specific paralimbic-cortical area, along with the dorsula insula and deactivation of Area 9 in the right prefrontal cortex and Area 40/7 in the parietal cortex. Roughly, we get an idea that the device in question will continually send electrical impulses to one area that has been positively identified with feelings of sadness.


Will it work? Speculation and thoughts.
Feelings of sadness, such as seeing a movie or your favorite television does not correspond on a 1:1 basis with what we consider neurological depression -- a disease, not a malfunction of one or even multiple areas of the brain, but a multifaceted complex issue involving neurotransmitters, areas of the brain, the parasympathetic nervous system, the central nervous system, early childhood development, PTSD-like trauma, and situational difficulties. Could this device help? It has obviously helped a small minority of people, but again we are playing in the dark, targeting one thing at a time (like SSRIs and other related drugs), instead of looking at the overall problem of what is depression, why do people suffer from it, and why do people fail to respond to current treatment methods? Sadly, this device gives me even more faith in ECT, as with bilateral electrical stimulation, all areas of the brain are flooded with electrical impulses instead of a single area. Yes, there are many negative effects to this, but it is also treating a whole entity, your brain, instead of a single area associated with sadness. What wonderful choices the FDA has given us to treat ourselves. This idea of "recalibration" of our brains with electrical impulses is nothing novel, it has been the basic premise of ECT -- although it's now tied up in much fancier words. I still believe ECT works for this very barbaric reason, and indeed it does work well for those that choose to voluntarily undergo it. Unfortunately the new breed of electrical brain stimulators, such as the new vagus nerve stimulator is too limited in scope, and I fail to see any benefit to it being on the market. I'm waiting for the negative results to show up and it to be implied with suicide -- everything else is, so I'm sure this will be lumped in there too, whether it does or not. I'm morbidly curious if it will worsen depression in people and cause suicide. I hope it doesn't, but lets let time and a few years pass before finger-pointing like every other righteous senator or parent of a child who committed suicide is wanting to do with all psychotropic medications. We all know we can trust parents and our elected officials to protect the innocent and depressed -- experts that they are in the fields of neurology, psychology, psychiatry, and mood disorders.

Wireheads - a short survey
Is this small device the beginning of what cyberpunk tradition calls wireheads? Maybe it is. In the coming years, I think more and more devices that play with our brains in these direct ways will come onto the market. The first mention of the addict-type wirehead that I can remember was published in 1980, by Larry Niven in the book The Ringworld Engineers, chapter 1, "Under the Wire". I'm sure there are earlier references to the idea. It has become fairly commonplace, especially with the years, the wirehead addict is seen in many cyberpunk and cross-over genre novels. The concept is fairly simple, you "wire" your brain with electrical impulses, voltage to the pleasure centers of your brain, replacing the need for antiquated chemicals that don't quite push our buttons perfectly. Long-term users of the wire become apathetic and nearly comatose. Put your mind back a bit and recall opium dens in late 18th century England or 19th century China and you have the basic idea of the physical capacity of these people and their use (or uselessness) to society. Opium use has been mostly superseded in modernized cultures with synthesized narcotics, with an economic and social divide usually separating those that choose to fulfill their addictions with pills (Vicodin, Percocet, Oxycontin becoming American's new secret and dirty mother's little helper). What's more alarming is that most of these addictions are not acknowledged or counted, latest figures count prescription pain killer abuse at around 31 million. Those are the people who admit to it. Do you know anyone who takes opiates? I know I'm not trustworthy and I will lie, steal and cheat and backstab anyone to get my fix -- I wonder how high these numbers really are. On the other side of the railroad, are those opiate users that indulge in mostly heroin use. There are no concrete numbers for the amount of heroin users, as it isn't seen as Bush's idiotic war on drugs doesn't see it as a high-threat item, even if it out of all the illicit drugs of abuse are costing us more in rehabilitation other resources than all other drugs combined. The economic cost can be said for our secret addictions that many of us middle and upper class Americans harbor, our family doctors complicit and smiling.

Disgust
There are some choice quotes from this MedScape update on the device. How much money changed hands between the FDA and Cybertronics, and how many lives does that buy?

The device would carry the strongest warning possible -- a so-called black box -- cautioning patients that the device is permanent, Schultz said in an interview. Cybertronics will also have to create a registry to monitor some patients.

The FDA approval sparked renewed concern from patient advocates. The agency rejected the device in August 2004.

"It's a new low for FDA device approvals. If this device can get approved with data as unconvincing as these, it's hard to see what can't get approved," Peter Lurie of Public Citizen's Health Research Group said.

An FDA advisory panel last year supported the device but said muddled data made it hard to tell if the implant or other factors were at work. The advisers also worried about suicide risk seen in some study patients who received the device.

The Future
This is a sad start to the possible future of implanted devices for mood disorders and other illnesses. The device has only been out for a few days and yet the the Senate Finance Committee is looking into to the VNS device and how it received FDA approval. But we all have to start somewhere, and eventually technology will progress to the point where self-medicating to keep oneself alive and functional is no longer a viable or rational option.

Disclosure
I have experienced opiate addiction in almost every form, both illicit and prescribed medication. It's abhorringly sad at how easy it is to obtain a controlled substance from a doctor, any doctor, especially one I have never seen before. Say the right symptoms, say the right complaints, and most of all don't demand, just let them push the drugs on you. I've never had to ask for what I want, it's always volunteered like a candy store and I have the pick of the litter, so the saying goes, of whatever drug I want for my condition. I have treatment-resistant depression and have suffered since I was 17. It is complicated with other comorbid psychiatric illnesses and I have only achieved remission a few brief times. I have tried most psychiatric medication aimed at depression, both on and off-label, and in many combinations. I have self-medicated with opiates and benzodiazepines when depressed.

References
Background information on what the Vagus Nerve is and what it does in our body (that we know -- and we don't know as much as we'd like). Wikipedia article.
A scholarly look at "wireheading" from the past to future perspectives.

Connexion.

Navy got me on here, it's sort of an interesting mix of social networking focused on the GBLT community and events important to them, such as making sure they are registered to vote along with the normal networking theme of meeting new people for friendships or whatever is your fancy, or just simple messaging on there, or forming specific groups for specific purposes. I myself have formed the Touched by Madness group, with 0 members, because I don't have any friends that I would know that would be in it and I have no real purpose at the moment with it.

Connexion.

Inside me, I carry for you

Cry me a tear for those empty moments, these long hours during the night when the words seperation and distance take on another meaning. The more you reach out, the more you feel swallowed by the voices and static around you. The more you try, the harder you close your eyes and try to stop the welling of feeling that's growing inside you. That bitter and pungent plant, rooty tendrils entwined around your heart and lungs squeezing as you gasp. Breath in, breath out. It hurts, and no medicine fixes it, this emotional attack, mimicry of asthma. You're closed inside, and it squeezes harder, your heart hurting, your lungs shallow, and you feel a disgusting itch inside you, crawling up your back, deep inside, where you can't reach, where only she could of reached. But she left long ago, and doesn't care to touch you there anymore, with words or hands, or a glance of her eye. The itch grows up your spine, incessent, burning, prickly, like the caress of those dirty whores that never satisfy, just tease and leave me feeling worse inside, the itch still there, poisonous and caustic. It's like swallowing the most sweet lie, covered in sickening tastes to hide the disgusting ugly secrets inside, covered with white hair to tickle your mouth and throat, to make you gag as it goes down, to make your throat convulse as those small white hairs, bristles really, gouge a path down as your esophagus works in pain. That lie, inside your stomach, is nothing but a burr, rolling around as nervous thoughts fill your mind and day, your entire life you can feel what she gave you, right there. Yes, it's right there, and I can feel it now as my stomach roils, uncalm sea, and uncalm mind, restless heart beating a jittery rhythym as I try to cross this sea of life. People ask how can one live a lie? I never did know, until I carried one inside me, that precious lie, last gift of the departed, last kiss of the one with eyes who could melt my soul. It's my baby, and my silly pretentious thoughts that think of it as a child in my womb, if only I had one. I imagine that bitter weed growing inside me is what she left me, the beauty that we created, the beauty we had, that wasn't ever really there, that turned into a mockery of what we wished for each other. I suppose it's right that I carry this inside me, for all that I have done to her. The hurt we gave each other was shared in full and relished in full. We never felt hurt until the one we loved entirely showed us what it meant. It's another memory I'll carry, a keepsake, I clutch to my side that aches whenever I try to stand and walk and pretend. Enough of what we shared and what weeds we planted in each other's gardens, I certainly sowed enough prickly things inside her furrows. What she laid in me, years in wait, has been growing, and I feel that one day, a day soon, that it might just burst, bloody red and glistening, gory as a bloodied head, rictus smile of ivory sepals and violet-red petals flowing forth, wet sap, crimsom running down my skin as my last breaths gave birth to what we had made, and my eyes closed and my lips smiled as I felt myself fade away, nothing but dirt for this poison that two people wrought together. Such beauty love can bring and such perfection, but sadly, I always fail to live up to such dreams, but I hope this grisly and grim flower I carry for you love is pleasing, for we made it together and you've been in my thoughts always as I let it eat away at me and pined for you, smile your vanilla smile for me and cry those tears that are so bright when you see me -- for those are the things that made me love you so, so give me that lasting memory when we share this gift together.

Guess what?

I heart huckabees too!

An experience with Napolean Dynamite.

So, today I went to get one of my dermabrasions. The person who does them, Debbie, was really amused by my shirt and it reminded her of the movie (keep in mind she's 40 something if I had to guess), and kept complaining about her son who is my age always acts like that and does it all the time on the phone. lol. This is going on while she's happily sucking my face away and grinding it down and gleefully picking at my face, explaining how it's so great that she can do this so she doesn't have the urge to pick at her own face. lol. My technician is great. She also seems to think that this was the 5th time and not the 6th. Maybe she is right or maybe I was wrong, either way, I have another one in 2 weeks because of this. I was ready to pay for 6 more ($540), but I'll do that next time. We moved up to the extra course wand and used a pressure of 12, the highest I've gone so far and it really didn't hurt much if anything. Just a weird sensation. I want to get up to 30 pressure, since that's how far the machine goes. I want more removal of my ugly face. She commented on my hair when she touched it by accident and was like wow it's so soft and then touched it again and couldn't believe how soft it was. She's fun and crazy and makes the whole procedure a lot less scary with her talking about her kids and all of that, and making weird remarks like that once in a while.

This is my second day on adderall XR, 10mg to start with and in 5 more days it will increase to 20mg. I will see the psychiatrist in about 3 weeks to evaluate how it's working or not working and we'll go from there. I'm really wary and scared of going the MAOI route and being on Parnate, I don't think I can handle the dietary changes really well. It'll be really tough. And then there is the issue of being off my medications for an entire 2 weeks before we are able to start Parnate and I don't know what that would do to my mood. Well there are a few things to explore before being on Parnate and she wasn't adverse to me trying stimulants before, and she thinks we might increase my lithium, or possibly mess around with my thyroid some more. It all has a sense of uncertainity to it. She's had experience with patients on Parnate, but not people like me who prefer odd polypharmy and I still have ideas there to combine with my Effexor -- Wellbutrin and Remeron primarily. I'll have to bring that up next time. I'm still on Seroquel too. I do admit that it makes me sleep longer, but it also kind of makes me tired when I wake up. It takes a few hours for it to wear off. Well, until the next time I see her. I'll enjoy my ability to read somewhat. I read a magazine today! Heh. Not that exciting of an accomplishment, but I was able to concentrate and not lose interest, that is good.

Another Trial.

Things at the psychiatrist went well. She wanted to put me on Parnate, but was pretty iffy about the idea, due to the problems that it would cause. Having to come off Effexor XR completely and be off of it for two weeks before I could start taking Parnate. Parnate is also a 3 times a day pill, and I'm bad at remembering the middle dose and that's kind of important with this medication. We opted to fully explore the stimulants and see if that would help improve the depression. It's mostly a shot in the dark. The studies of it as an augmentive agent for depression are spotty, and not sure. It could work or it might not work. So we are giving this a shot, I'll be up to 20mg of Adderall by the next time I see her. I hope I notice a difference with my mood, or at least with my daytime sleepiness problems. From there, who knows. There was talk of possibly increasing my lithium *sigh*, but it's an option and I know there are plenty of studies behind it. It does work, so maybe more of it will be a help. I just hate losing my brain to it and feeling stupid. Other ideas than that, well who knows. I might mention bringing up wellbutrin as an addition, but she seems really adverse to the idea of that, due to my past history. I might also mention trying to add lamictal, another shot in the dark too, as there aren't enough studies about it for unipolar depression, but the things ou do see are favorable.

Sigh. I just want to be a boy, and do the boy things that I do. More waiting, more patience, and more anticipation and hoping that this run of things isn't another let down. I've been having too many let downs lately, with people going away, or people changing, or myself changing and driving them apart. Lets just have something good for once, okay?

Fuck Walmart.

So I get back from the psychiatrist and go to drop off the new prescriptions and they don't believe me that they are real ones! They called the doctor, who will hopefully call by tomorrow and tell them what fucking idiots they are. They look like any other prescriptions that I've gotten all the time. I think they are just perturbed that someone as fucked up as me needs so many pills, or maybe it's the addition of adderall that they thought was suspicious, or an increase of my ambien that I've been on for several months. Maybe they just don't like me. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm delusional. Maybe I'm upset. Maybe I'm sad. Maybe I'm crying like I am now, because all I wanted was to get my klonopin filled, I don't care about anything else, just give me my klonopin so my anxiety can go away. Even my psychiatrist told me that I seem really nervous today and I have been just like she described lately. It's awful. It's awful that I have to wait even longer now to get these pills.
Even after I get them, there's the fear of doing the adderall trials, and figuring out what dose is effective for me or if it's a dead end. If it's a dead end they are going to increase the lithium if my blood levels allow it, and take me Effexor and be off my antidepressant for two weeks for it to clean out, before I go on Parnate which has a million restrictions with drugs and quite a lot of food I can't ever eat again. Or we could do california rocket fuel and watch me get fat, fat, fat, but happy.

Sigh.
I want my pills.
And I want a hug.

Now.
Cry.

When you can't run anymore,

you, well... you know.

Feeling worse and worse it feels like each day. My head keeps running in circles, and it doesn't feel too well. I keep spending more and more time isolating myself. When I feel the most alone I just want to run and hide. I give a lot of credit to myself for not numbing it out. The tears are back. No crying spells, I have those slow tears that I don't notice until they are rolling down my cheeks.

Stop stop stop

Er..

Feeling very down today. Keep being stuck in the past when I want to move on. Want to stay in bed all day and that's what I've been doing most days. Where did the last 8 or so months go?

Freckles lie.

her freckled face tells a beautiful lie when she blushes.

come off that pedestal and give me a charming lie and i'll lie to you just as sweet.