Head and body.

I'm going through withdrawal again. Yes, another relapse. A stupid relapse. A friend telling me they needed to move on and be away from a certain place, and I was part of that place, so I couldn't be there. I could understand that. Not being able to see that friend hurt me. I didn't realize I could still cry so much over such a thing. It was a friend, who I wasn't especially close to, but had some shared moments and understanding, but to be told, sorry you can't stay with me and visit, in such a cold and detached manner (to me), broke my feelings and whatever fragile walls I had. I was invited there, asked there, impusively, and I said no, and scheduled a later date, and I'm fucking angry for not going early, even on 4 days notice, even if it would of only been for a couple of days. I lost the chance to meet a wonderful person. It's just one more thing to put on the scale of failures, and it's already so weighted against me.
I miss K. I miss the discussion we had, I miss the hours and hours we spent each night just talking, about anything in the world. I miss the worry and anxiety we both had over meeting each other. I miss her. She will be home in a few days, and it's been a few days without talking to her. Will she have missed me the same? Will she have cared the same? Is there equality is this feeling, or will one of us be shortchanged again?
A couple more days of this. This is what I'm feeling. The withdrawal of people, the withdrawal of chemicals, the messy mix of feel goods and feel bads mingling in my head and making it ache and confused. I just want a fix, and that fix right now is K. My "emotional supplements" aren't working well, and are being changed around, so my head just feels strange and I can't make much sense of anything. Just a lot of confusion. The one feeling I can make out, is that I'm missing someone, and I wish I could share this feeling with them, and make it into a good, warm, comforting feeling.