It's more and more pathetic, or is that me?

[21:25] Lent Somnolence: i keep ending up, crying so hard each night. why do the lies people tell me keep on getting worse and worse, and why do the things i do wrong to them, whatever they are seem to get worse and worse. and why when i search myself and my heart and my soul for whatever i am doing wrong, i can't find anything, but i sure can find a big empty hole, black and dark and hurtful and i can't remember what used to go in there. why is it everytime i try to feel for someone they close the door on me. why is it so hard to just live life. i'm sick of mornings when i can't have evenings. i'm sick of just being half of someone

quoting myself saying something to someone is stupid, but i can hardly even say how i feel to anyone, so i might as well quote myself when i say something that i feel. even if it comes out as a jumble of words, and i look back on it, and i only half understand what i wrote, but i do know i felt something, and i was crying when i wrote it. so it must be feelings inside, and it must of been hard to say.

so those are my cold emotionless feelings, that i give everyone. i'm sick of being called cold. so take all my damn feelings, so make me cry, and i guess somewhere along the line you'll hear a bit of what i feel inside.