the slow slide downward

happiness is adderall jabbed in my thigh, a brief twinge and metallic feeling stuck inside you until a beautiful smile appears on my face. the happiness is intense, but the coming down is twice as worse as your brain and body slows. fatigue, depression and desperation, and the ability to feel absolutely nothing set in. coming down, i learned ultram holds the sadness at bay, as i plot and scheme to medicate myself back to a rushed and brief happiness. i feel like i live a stop-gap motion movie, film, freeze frame, and film again; until this body can't take take it anymore, and that thought of endings is sadly reassuring.