snowfall

first snowfall yesterday.

freeze advisory today.

i like to lie naked in the snow until i stop feeling. it makes the emotions go away, the thoughts that don't stop, and when i come inside it's one of those rare times when i have a clear head. it makes me feel alive.

talking in circles

[14:33] Lent Somnolence: it's like every morning you wake up and don't know if you're dying or if your pulse is racing because you're missing what you dreamed, or that nightmare you just had really is true, or you can still remember the physical sensation and the timelessness of the moment and realize that it's all gone, just in a blink of an eye

WoW

any WoW addicts want to team up with me this coming November? please say so, i don't want to have to resort to playing with my ex-gf for hours on end. if not, well it's back to nostalgia and just like how times used to be so many years ago -- like when we played AC for months, hours and hours on end, but i'd rather not have that. at least not with her as the constant companion.

aged

i wish i could start over. i don't want to be 27. i don't want to know i've made the same mistakes over and over. i don't want to know that i feel the same now as i did last year, the year before that, and so on. i don't know if there are second chances in life when most days i can say i've already given up. what's the point in crying when i know i'll cry again the next day. what's the point in trying when i know i won't succeed. what's the point in talking to anyone when they all go away.

what's the point?

treading water

birthdays suck all around. especially birthday's of people you thought you had forgotten, or at least buried deep enough in the past. yesterday i got an email from amazon reminding me that an old friend's birthday was coming up. nothing like a computer generated reminder make my mood come crashing down even more, when the birthday in question is jen's. i had one big ugh and that feeling that comes with unwanted memories, and then i deleted the message. i wish deleting things would do the same for my memory sometimes. the harder you try to forget about something, or to move on, or to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself alive, the harder it is to do just that. the harder i try the more reminders i see around me of all the things i never quite manage to resolve fully. i guess now i just cry and weep, go into my own little nest until the feelings of regret, loss, sadness have subsided enough that i can poke my head out a little. i'm still treading water, but at least i've moved past a few things. that has to be something?