Just please listen to me.

This is from chat last night. I spill my _heart_ and tell things that no one has ever heard and no one responds or cares. The other night I told the full story of being raped and no one said anything for 10 minutes. I'm giving up on support. I don't want support. I just want compassion and a 'sorry'.

This is about my early childhood and the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse I went to. It's brief and I don't want to think it about more. But it's an insight into who I am and how I turned out this messed up and how I want to die everyday.
Trigger Trigger
04:10:56 plecosaur: i can't remember. i don't remember my childhood. it was hysically and emotionally abusive
04:11:11 plecosaur: i start remembering at about 14 where i refusing to let myself get physically hurt
04:11:21 plecosaur: i have no childhood. it's gone. and i don't want to remember it
04:12:06 plecosaur: the strongest memory i have of my childhood is being three and threatening my dad if he hurt me i would throw this huge rock (for me at 3) at him and kill him
04:12:11 plecosaur: that's about it
04:13:07 plecosaur: yeah but you certainly didn't express feelings of killing your parents at THREE
04:13:29 plecosaur: all i know is he came into my room each night. and then i remember nothing
04:13:43 plecosaur: one time i kneed him while he was doing.. that thing. and gave him a black eye
04:13:58 plecosaur: you don't do that shit at 3 years old
04:14:16 plecosaur: and i also broke a glass bottle over his head another time because i remembered the hurt
04:14:31 plecosaur: and it was my glass bottle that i collected ants in
04:14:34 plecosaur: it was a bell jar
04:15:04 plecosaur: is anyone actually listening? or am i blathering
04:16:28 plecosaur: wish someone would just say sorry. i spill my heart and no one cares
04:16:47 plecosaur: i never shared that in that
detail and no one cares

The sexual abuse lasted until about 5 or 6 I think. The physical lasted until I was 14 and could defend myself. The emotional abuse is still there. I'm 25.

I hate my past. Please make it go away.