I like the new blogger features they added, even though I probably won't use them except for the draft thing. I wish they would add built in commenting, but oh well, not like anyone comments anyway, and there are only 2 people that I know of that read this thing.

I'm feeling better today. A lot better physically, still not perfect, but good enough. But emotionally I'm getting worse and worse each day I think. I think I"m getting more depressed as time goes on and I'm getting very impatient to see the psychologist just so I can get a stupid referal to a psychiatrist and then hopefully get on an antidepressent, and then I have to wait a whole 4-6 weeks for it to work. How, well, depressing.

I don't know much more I can express that I hate being here. I hate it here. There aren't words strong enough. I miss the past and no matter how hard I try to forget it, it keeps coming back. Now I'm having dreams about _high school_, which is really disturbing as that is such a long time ago and I can even hardly remember most of those people's names.
Sometimes I wish I was successful and did die, but a part of me does still want to keep trying. I don't know how it is still there. I want to find someone and be with them, like I was with Jennifer, and have it feel all magical and good and perfect. I guess that's the only reason I keep trying, because I know that it is possible, because it was once real, so maybe it can happen again. It's just so difficult. I can barely even say hi to people, how am I supposed to find someone that likes me and vice versa.