I feel better today. I cheated myself and took 100mg of ultram though. Sigh. But... I started taking Paxil again and that kind makes me feel better somehow. I've been getting really depressed after coming down from all that stuff I took on Sunday. The Deprenyl wasn't helping too much. It helped a lot for a couple of weeks, but I guess I'm not going to get anymore benefit from it. Taking it is cumulative, so I don't think I need anymore, but I'll still take it once or week or so. I'll probably get some valium and klonopin when I need to get more paxil. I'm thinking I'll take 12.5mg for two weeks and then 25mg and then get more paxil then, 37.5mg ones I guess.

Anyway I'm going to cut the meth out, and today I tried a cocaine analog and I'm not sure if it's great or anything. It's on top of the ultram, some klonopin and a teeny bit of meth. I hate taking stuff I really do, but last night I broke down and started crying a lot and it took a great deal of effort to stop from cutting myself up. So today I gave in and swallowed my christmas colored candy so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Once the paxil starts to work a little, hopefully I can wean off this stuff again some. :(

My fish are doing well. I fed them some pellets soaked in garlic today and they really ate a lot and are bloated looking. I hope none of them explode or get dropsy, but I think they'll be okay since the pellets were presoaked. I'll probably keep feeding them that way, the garlic really makes them stop being so shy so I don't have to be so paranoid about whether or not they are eating.