Just an update...

Yes, I'm still awake, but that's not really unusual. It's only 4am. I feel lonely and wish I could be held.
I made it through tonight (so far) and I think I'll be okay until I fall asleep in 2 or 3 hours, or however long it takes me. Maybe I won't fall asleep tonight, because of how I feel. But I should be fine.
I ended up doing a little cutting. Which sucks. I have been able to go without doing that for almost a month probably. I haven't really been keeping track though. It's not like I'm worried about it very much, it's just a disgraceful way of coping with things and letting me regain control of my emotions. It's always been a substitute for drug abuse, and before I knew about drugs it was my way of coping when things got really terrible.

I wish it was tonight and I had already gone to bed and woken up. I've been off and on AIM for several hours now and no one is online to talk to. Which is how it always is late at night. I could call Stacie and leave a message, but I don't want to do that, I feel silly now that I'm pretty much okay and I'm lonely. If I got in the habit of calling whenever I felt alone I'd be on the phone constantly. I could call and wake up Jen and her entire house, which would also be awful. I don't really know what to say anyway. I just want to hear someone's voice most of all. Sometimes that's all I need. Hearing someone's voice while I try to talk and my voice is cracking because I'm crying. It doesn't matter what I say or what they say, as long as I can hear concern in their voice. I feel like a pity whore sometimes. I don't mean to be. I just need it.

Oh well. I'm doing okay, all things considered. I just wanted to post this so no one would worry about me, after how my last entry was.

*hug*