Who needs who the worst?

A little bit closer,
I know you're not bashful
There, now that's not so bad, is it?
So what was that secret?
What did that prick whisper to you?
Was it playful and flirty
Or degrading and dirty?
I know you like it both ways
So -- what did he say?
To make you so goddamn defiant
So fucking triumphant

Relations, in direct competition
Domination
The players, disguised as the lovers
The best friend
A game of who needs who the worst

A little bit closer
Your lipstick is smudged, dear
Here, let me wipe that smirk off

A secret
But you couldn't keep it so secret
Relations, without hesitation
Or social tact

And as it occured, it occured to me
Who needs who?
Who needs who?

A little bit closer...
Closer...



I feel tired, always being given apologies for them not being a good friend at the moment. The reasons -- drugs, emotions, or whatever. I need them, but they don't need me nearly as much. Each time I talk it's a fight with myself not to feel whatever is left inside. I've bleed out my feelings. I've blacked out my feelings. I've cried them out. Still, I can't rip out the last tendrils and free myself from what seems more like an abusive obligation. What happened to the kingdom, the castle, the oligarchy? It existed before me, and probably still exists now, but it hurts to know people can be swapped in and out as needed when they no longer are no longer the perfect dream.
I feel tired, meeting people. What happens when the dream you had was given to you and then taken away? I can't find anything in life I want. I never wanted anything to begin with. I was just struggling to make it day-by-day, living with my depression when someone threw me a line and told me of a wonderful fantasy. That is long over with, but now I'm sinking and struggling. I'm 25 now and I still haven't figured life out, the reason why I'm still here. Why am I still here? I'm getting better -- I guess. The ER has only seen me once this year. That's an improvement. Right? Please?