Good morning Colorado. I see your pink clouds pouring over the sky now, sun peeking up, oh how dusty looking you are, guess it's going to be another overcast day with your mood. The pink and the sky blue air mingle together now, congregrate and slowly with its doleful pace brings us to today.

And I'm awake. 3 pills of ambien (yes I did swallow them), and 3 pills of trazadone. I'm not the least bit tired and that 1.5 hours ago. So dear, I don't know what to so. I'm going to make myself some french toast, and go play in the shower some more.

You see I made this discovery that I already knew about. When someone was first teaching me about anal play, more like frighting me about it, but nonetheless teaching me - something, I'm sure I learned something from those scared moments. To get back on topic, however, I played for a while [location: shower], and sure enough it all came back to me. The little things that I knew. The strange way that my hard cock goes limp, slowly, slowly as if it is being choked, as it is still full of blood. It's a strange sight. Well anyway, it too has its ups and downs as I well finger my through this, reach points of hallucinatory fireworks behind my eyes and reaching other places that are just too tense right now, too unsure of myself and that red cock slowly goes back down (what a tired thing it must be). I'm more sure of myself now, knowing just where to push Down inside me to make a little tickle feeling inside, just right where my prostrate is. Tiny fireworks, for something, a bit more explosive, I need something phallus shaped, but can I get it in me? I don't even have the proper kind of lube with me, this was a spur of a moment thing. Oil lubricant is to thin and too runny. I need something thick, something that stays on the surface of my flesh, my ass, and whatever I'm putting in it. All I have for now is shampoo bottle, hardly eny length at all -- this is going to be disappointing. Yeah right, I don't even think I can put that in me right, I haven't played anally in a serious way in a very, very long time; I'm much too tense for that. I decide who cares, lets find out and see if I'm wrong. I lather the bottle up with oil trying to get it to congeal to the plastic as best as I can, not very good at all, I lube both fingers up and run them up and down my asshole making sure that it too has some lubrication and last but not least I finger the outside of my anus and make sure it's slicked up, all while fireworks and a moan is going off in the back of my head. God that feels good rubbing the outside of my ass. I was afraid to admit, but someone rimming feels really fucking good, I was just scared that they'd ask me to do it. I didn't know what to do. I was scared they might be dirty or whatever. I don't care anymore, as long as they are wasted, I want to taste their asshole and run my tongue in a circle around that indelible flesh and listen to their soft whimperings and moanings, wondering what they are thinking about right now. I'm thinking of something hard and warm right now, but I don't have a guy around who will fuck me how I want it. So I'm back to this bottle. It's so hard, foreign and alien. I'm scared now, even before I never tried something this big. I try to veer for the best way to get in me, first on my back, legs up in the air, then crouched on my knees and lowering myself on top of it. There I can feel it, slowly, a little bit painful without enough lube, but not hurting, feel it enter me and I encounter the top of the bottle before I know it. I'm saddened at the thought. I know I can't fit that in me -- yet, or ever. But I really wish I had a dildo somewhere so I could manipulate it just right, the pressure of one or two fingers inside me pushing against my prostate, I need more pressure, more flesh, all of it inside me. I know where my prostate is laying ready for me to tease it, to rub it, to fuck it, and it's ready to make me cum. I almost came just sliding one finger inside and running circles around my sphicter, those were orgasmic like eruptions in the back of my head and the beginning of my whole body shaking, but I stopped. When I come for the first time, I want to come with something inside me, rubbing my prostrate, and oh how good does it feel. I can't wait until tomorrow to search for something more suitable and longer. I want it now, more than I've ever wanted anything sexually.