I didn't sleep last night, just drifted in and out and kept hearing voices of people awake and it made for some really strange dreams for when I did fall asleep briefly. The main focus of the off & on dream was that somehow I had enrolled in college again, but after the first day I decided I was going to quit because the English teacher was mean to me, and so was the math teacher, and in English class everyone was popular and hated me. I hate college dreams like that, or high school dreams. I have them so often too in relation to other dreams I have.

It feels like I'm living inside a postcard and sometimes, like right now, I'm looking at the inside and knowing that it's all staged and the director of my head is telling me where everyone should be for the perfect shot of my soul to show people on the outside. It's all smiles and cheer, until the camera snaps and it's back to bickering and crying.

A friend called me from the hospital ward yesterday and I'm really sad and worried about her. I keep hoping that she is okay. I don't know what to do and I don't think I can do anything, I can't call there I'm pretty sure. I've tried calling the # that she calls from and it doesn't ring.