composed in halves

it's a childish way to try to explain myself through the actions of others, but what am i doing with my life. i'm living in the moment. i'm living as that freshman in college, experiencing all that can happen, fully aware of all the hurt i'm putting myself through. fully aware that the more i hit myself with a hammer, the better i'll feel afterwards, because it's so damn good. the more hurt that happens, the more lessons i learn, and the wiser i become, with enough years and time. i'm immature socially, especially when it comes to friendships, relationships, and anything dealing with another person with feelings. i understand my feelings, barely. i don't understand others. that is a huge gap, and it has led to me doing a lot of things that has resulted in pain, all around.

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that's just the only way i can think of trying to possibly explain my actions. half a child. half a man. but i'm not either yet.