conversation

[15:29] Lent Somnolence: then why are we having this discussion, did you ask yourself that?
[15:29] ***: because i'm sad
[15:30] Lent Somnolence: some part of you wants help, or else you wouldn't admit to me what is going on
[15:30] ***: i'm just sad
[15:30] ***: i don't want help
[15:30] ***: i just wanted another reason to cry
[15:30] Lent Somnolence: i'm not going to give you reasons to cry. friends don't do that
[15:30] ***: you don't have to even try
[15:31] Lent Somnolence: i'm sorry
[15:31] Lent Somnolence: do you like to torture yourself? like the way i do? doing things to make yourself worse?
[15:31] ***: yes
[15:31] Lent Somnolence: that's what you're doing
[15:31] ***: i know
[15:31] Lent Somnolence: i just wanted to make sure you understood
[15:32] ***: lifes not fair
[15:32] ***: do you know that?
[15:32] Lent Somnolence: and you know that's the reason why we have never really gotten much better in our whole lives? that we go through the motions of wanting to get better, but there is safety in staying the same. familarity. comfort in knowing there won't be change
[15:32] ***: i'm sick of life shitting on me
[15:33] Lent Somnolence: life isn't fair. but life is only what you let it be to you. it's the truth
[15:33] ***: i try to let life be great to me *****
[15:33] ***: where has that gotten me?
[15:33] Lent Somnolence: like you said ******. life isn't fair
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[15:34] Lent Somnolence: where has it gotten me? 5 years in the same room. 5 years of being alone. 5 years of wanting to get better, but not taking the steps to
[15:34] Lent Somnolence: 5 years of being scared to live
[15:34] ***: well you and i are different
[15:34] ***: i've lived through the last two years of my hell
[15:34] ***: and it's gotten me nowhere
[15:34] ***: i tried to get better
[15:34] ***: i fought
[15:35] ***: and it's not a fair fight
[15:35] Lent Somnolence: no, i don't think so. what has happened to us might be different, but in the end, you say you've given up. i had already given up
[15:35] ***: well how long are you supposed to keep trying
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[15:35] Lent Somnolence: life was a fight ever since you took your first breath, the first breath that you didn't want to take to be in this world. but every day that you stayed alive you were fighting even if you didn't know it
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[15:55] Lent Somnolence: depression is like cancer, we don't know it's there until one day out of the blue things are different and we aren't sure how it happened or why. there isn't a why, there isn't a reason, it just happens.
[15:56] ***: a crying mess
[15:56] ***: you being the only person in the world right now i can talk to
[15:56] ***: of all people
[15:56] Lent Somnolence: depression kills us slowly, depression hurts, depression takes away everything we value and love
[15:56] ***: are you copying/pasting off the "depression hurts" website?
[15:56] Lent Somnolence: we try to treat it, the things we take hurt our own bodies, the side effects, all so we can have what we used to have
[15:56] ***: you sound like the commercial
[15:57] Lent Somnolence: i'm talking from years of being depressed
[15:57] Lent Somnolence: it kind of gives me a lot of time to reflect
[15:57] ***: can't you just say yeah it fucking sucks


change the names, the supportive person could of been someone else, and i could of been the other person. that's how i feel. i give advice i can't follow. i give help that i don't listen to myself. i'm the person who has given up, i'm not the person fighting.