Things with Chris seem to be really screwed up. I don't feel any compassion from her or the least bit of understanding. All I feel from her is anger at me that I'm depressed and can't get over it. I don't like that. At the same time I like her, I think because I clutched onto her, because she was reliable in when she should be on and I knew that I could count on her for at least one thing - being there. Even if it wasn't being there in the sense that I needed. I don't know what's really going to happen now. Some kind of fight is going on, where I say a lot of things and she doesn't really respond to much of it. I assume the end result will be me continuing to talk to her, under the condition that I'm not negative about myself or things. It feels like a lot of rules just to have a friend. So I think this relationships is going to disintegrate like other ones I've had, especially the one with Erin. Where she claims to still really like me and miss me, but still can't deal with me. No one can deal with me it seems. I hate being this way, but damnit, it isn't my fault at all that I'm like this. Sorry that I can't be good enough for you Chris. Sorry that I can't be good enough for you Erin. Sorry that I wasn't good enough for you Jen. Sorry to everyone I've let down, and sorry to all the other people I will continue to let down.