I got a post card today. It had camels on the front. It was nice to get something in the mail, because I feel really horrible today. I don't know what's wrong, but I have no energy and this is the worst I've felt in quite a while. All I have done is lay in bed and sleep an hour or so at a time and have really deep sleep and really vivid, real dreams, that leaving me even more drained when I wake up. Each time I wake up I feel so groggy, like I steped through a door to another world and I'm having the worst temporal jet-lag possible, and it doesn't really go away either. I would do Ultram right now, if I like, cared, but I don't even have the energy to fuck myself up so I feel better. Isn't that pathetic? It feels pathetic.
I listened to the new Wilco CD, Yankee Fox Trot Hotel, and it's okay, but it sure is kind of depressing the way he can be sarcastic about really horrible things like your mother turning into an alcoholic and your father sinking into depression and having to deal with failed suicides over and over while growing up. Some people have such hard lives, and I feel like I'm a poser thinking I have problems -- I have no problems compared to other people. But, for me, I am fucked up and that's all that matters. Sigh.
I didn't realize it has been almost a week since I've written in here. I don't know how that happened, I really should of updated more. I guess I was/am sinking away, but I'm trying not to. At the same time I'm getting better, the more I'm getting worse in a way. I am comfortable in my own insanity. I don't know how to function when it's required of me. I'm scared of when my excuses will run out and I'm faced with reality. I know I'm approaching it.

Oh, btw, I started to drink vanilla coke once in a while. Once every few days. I'm not a soda drinker anymore, I'm more of a juice, latte, and water person now. I just thought I'd say I'm drinking vanilla coke right this second, for anyone that might care.

I'm crazy/weird. Was that a title to a stupid teeny movie?