Kaye wanted to hook up with me this Valentines I guess, I just got the message a day late. I can't really say anything except, well that sucks, as I would of been down to her place if I had known.

I don't feel that great today for a lot of reasons. Jen doesn't seem to want to talk to me tonight, for however I was earlier. Which I don't even know how I was, I didn't think I did anything the least bit mean, but oh well. I wish Erin had left her # so I could give her a call right now and talk about stuff, or random stuff, or anything. I just want to escape and get out of my body.

I took a very huge handful of pills a few minutes ago. Nothing very bad, but maybe I'll feel a tiny bit better in a little while. If not, I'm going to go search if there's some expensive port anywhere, or maybe a bottle of champagne. I'll find a reason to celebrate. I don't want to drink some crappy beer and won't even if that's my only option, I'll just go snort something else.

Tomorrow will be my first day on 150mg of Effexor XR. If my mood keeps being bleak like this I'm going to change it from 1-week intervals to 3-day intervals on how fast I increase the Effexor XR, up to 225mg and then and wait and see what the Dr. says, or call him and see if I can go up to 300mg. Either way I'll need more samples if I go up to 225mg or higher. I just took an extra 75mg desipramine and 20mg of lexapro. I know the lexapro won't make a difference, but the desipramine will at least make a difference for tomorrow, as it makes me feel noticeably better.

There's nothing to drink except creme sherry, and I'm not in the mood for that. Thinking about the flavor makes me want to puke. I wish there was some meth or dexedrine, argh. Next time I take some ultram I'm going to mix it up with some meth and snort it up and see how that feels together. Yummy.

I think I'll go away for a few days or weeks or whatever. Nothing feels quite right.