These past few nights I've been drinking away my sorrows. A dark crimson port the same color of my blood when I bleed out the pain so deep inside that I can't touch. Or a bitter, clear vodka for the times when getting drunk doesn't work how I want and I start to cry endless tears down my face that I can't stop. At least, for now, I'm not putting things up my nose or taking pills. It's been an entire week. I guess I'm counting days, and each day seems harder than the last.

Azure Ray has become a really favorite band these past two days. I love them. I can lay in bed all day with my head under the covers, curled up in a ball and just listen to her haunting and soul-touching songs.



November - Azure Ray

So i'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone by maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
Now im scared thats how id like to be
All the faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems to far away
Until i'm taken by these bolts of pain
But i turn them off and tuck them away till these rainy days that make them stay
And then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And i dont think they'll ever go away
Just like tihnking of your childhood home
But we cant go back were on our own
Oh,
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
Ill find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks your not here
And i think i'll want to be alone
So please understand that i dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Untill i can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All i can see is all i know
Ohh..
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself