I don't really care very much what happens with me and Stefany. I don't know how much of what she told me was lies, so I don't know how much I know about her is even real. I feel like I don't know her, and I don't. She's written me a couple emails begging me to forgive her and saying it wasn't her fault, but there's still the problem of all the lies. I can forgive, that isn't a problem, but only if they are truthful to me and I asked her to tell me the truth starting from the beginning and tell me all the things she's lied about. I don't think she will be able to do that honestly. I'm just going to end up cutting off contact with her, if she doesn't end up cutting up contact first, and this is all a farce because she feels bad for what happened and doesn't want me to feel bad, because she does like me, I believe that, but I think I was just too much for her, or maybe something else that I don't understand. It's really sad that it probably will end this way, I had a really enjoyable time knowing 'her', and talking to her on the phone. She was really good to me and supportive and helpful. I can say that truthfully, and she helped me though a lot of hard shit. I will miss her even though I don't know why all of this happened. I just want to know why. No lies.

I've been talking to this girl, Maegan, that lives about 2 hours away in Co. Springs. She's very pretty and has really nice eyes, but she has a bf, and plus she's only 16 (almost 17), so it's better to just be friends. She's very shy and quite the loner and likes to spend a lot of her time by herself, as she only sees her bf maybe twice a week and she likes it that way. So she's very interesting. She said that she's written the longest emails in her life to me, and that should be a compliment, and I take it as one. We write really long emails and it's a nice change to know someone that actually has stuff to say, and is intelligent. I can't wait to meet her, even though I'm scared to death. She doesn't want to meet yet, as she wants to write for a while until she feels more comfortable with me. Which is absolutely cool. I like shy people, and I think it'll be okay when I meet her if I'm not too shy. I'm actually being a dork and waiting for her to wake up so I can talk to her, or read her email, or anything. I'm so stalkerish, but I don't mean to be.

I talked a long time last night to Nicole and I had a lot of fun and I think she had a good time talking to me about life in general, friends in particular, and other things. It was really nice to talk to her again, like really talk, and feel like my opinion mattered and she wasn't just putting up with me. I do care about Nicole a lot, because she'll always be my friend, even if she doesn't consider me one now or forever, and if things change, I'll always try to be online for her or there in email if I'm ever needed. It's the least I can do, for someone that did a lot for me without any asking. Just hanging out with me and making me feel like I was worth someone meant a great deal and kept me going and able to not break down. I wouldn't be who I am now, without her advice on a million things.