I miss Stefany more and more and it's only a few hours between talking to her. She says she'll brb, but ends up being gone for a while. I know it's not her fault, so I don't blame her. I just think I'm feeling too much and I need to make it stop. I guess I'm sad because of previous things, the email I wrote to other people and I need someone right now to clutch on to. I'm a mess. I don't know why anyone would want to deal with me emotionally. I'm to big of a pile of feelings that can't be sorted out. Half of them are sad, depressed feelings. I'm not a fun person, but somehow I keep convincing people that I'm an okay person. I just hope they are right.

I don't want to disappoint anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially her. I don't want to do anything bad. Please let me be good. Please let this time be different. Please, please, please. I'm begging everything I believe in.

I can't take another friendship or relationship or anything on any kind of serious level, I think this is the last thing I can take. I need it to turn out okay, I need a friend. I need a friend more than anything.