I was broken. Just like I knew would happen, I think Stefany is okay again - me the stupid one. I won't let her get close again, I hope, I promise, I try, I want, I cry. Nothing won't ever be the same even if she happens to be a lot better without lying to me or anything, I will always know that she left things out in the past. I just want her to be a good friend, we were good friends before we liked each other and we can still be good friends if she wants to be. I think she wants some kind of online relationship or something where she doesn't have to deal with it very often, but have the feeling that someone loves her when she needs to have that feeling. I do honestly think she she feels for me, but only when she wants to, and the rest of the time she either turns it off or just forgets. Dissasociation of me from her real life, or something, I don't know what her reason or thing is, or why she does it, but that is my idea behind the whole thing. I honestly don't know what goes on in that head. I guess I never did, but I thought I was getting an idea.

I want sleep. My head hurts. I want to cry. I want to do something. Hurt. Feel. Pain.
Closed eyes and peace, and dreams of being with someone, that's what I want. It doesn't come to me, and won't.
Reality and peace, being with someone, I wish I had that.

I'm going to get Maegan the book Lost Souls, I hope she likes it. She reminds me of it, just the youthfulness and capacity to care, makes me think of... I don't know. Ghost maybe? I don't know. Just the whole overall feeling of the book makes me think of her. It's been so long since I've read that book...

Bye for now life. More depression coming up soon, I can almost feel it - the whole Stefany thing. I try to cry, but she took all my tears already. I should take that as a sign and just say no right now, but I can't.
Allen