I did not sleep that well last night. I tossed and turned a great deal and kept waking up every few minutes it seemed, with an anxious stomach. I slept about 5 hours and got out of bed around 8 and took my meds. I'm still tired, I wish I could just lay in bed all y day and do nothing. I hate being awake. I feel a lot better this morning as far as my depression, but I still don't really want to do anything and am thinking about putting off the library still. Sigh. I procrastinate so well.
I'm very worried, enough that I had to take half a xanax just to get myelf down to a somewhat reasonable level. I'm care so much about my friends and last night I just didn't know what I could do. Nothing is enough, when you always want to make someone feel better.

Everyone is mad at me about last night, well the people that could intuit that something had changed about me. Lauren told me I should of called and was really sad about it. I feel guilt for it. I know she said I can call for anything, but it wasn't an emergency. I was just doing something that I know isn't right, but it works and has reliably worked every time I've done it. Sigh. Brianna was mad that I didn't ask her first, I think, or maybe because she knows that I'll do it again since I've started. I don't know. Jen was upset, I think, because she thought maybe I had gotten depressed from talking to her, or that a change in a relationship with her didn't make me noticably better. I don't know.

I talked a lot last night to a few people. I shouldn't really get into details here. I hope Jen is doing okay. I hope Tessa is doing okay.

I feel sick to the stomach today. I just read an article about the willing cannibalism case and I can't deal. I can't think about stuff like that. It's making me freak out really bad and I'm going to go take a shower to calm down. No cutting. Just hot water and closed eyes. Why do people do what they do, I don't understand anyone. I don't understand myself, but at least I can stand to be around myself - usually.