Maegan wrote back to me and that made me smile to get an email. I wrote back to her. We have a tenative schedule of when it's best to call so I'll give her a call pretty soon and catch up on things, hopefully maybe plan another trip to hang out with her. Her smile is infectious. I love it.

I hope Lauren doesn't have school today, but she probably does or else she'd be online by now. I want to talk to her and make sure she is okay. And also tell her that I care a lot about her and I hope she's doing okay. I need to call her too.

I took my provigil around 7:15, and I sort of feel a little different. Like I'm not tired like I should be, with only having 1 hour of sleep. But I'm not much of anything else either. So I'm just laying in bed, closing my eyes and feeling totally relaxed and at ease, which is the perfect thing for falling asleep but I don't fall asleep - so perhaps it is working. My alarm is set for noon as a failsafe anyway and it's almost 8am now too and I don't feel really tired or anything. The only thing I feel is dry eyes from all the crying I did last night.

I sent Maegan an early version of what I had written and she said she liked it. She's being kind to me, as her poetry is a great deal better than mine and she's also a ton younger than me too. 17. I'm a foolish 24 year old writing high school aged things, but oh well, that's the best I can manage while crying. Or even while sober.

I want someone to log on. Sarah told me she talked to Katja last night. I haven't talked to Katja since I got out of the hospital way back in late August. I guess yesterday (2 days ago?) she called it quits with Marek. I'm glad. He's a fucking asshole, a liar, and a schizoprenic freak. Nothing against schizoprenics, but he doesn't take his meds and he plays these crazy head games and I don't think he knows consciously that he's doing it. I added Katja back to my list and I'm hoping she shows up soon since it should be around afternoon or evening there. I think it's an 8 hour time difference. I forget, somewhere around there. She's a sweety. I'm stupid for not talking to her. I just though no one really cared about me from the forum anymore after my suicide attempt and all, so I stopped talking to all those people and they made no attempt to try to talk to me either. Tit for tat, I guess.