I need a new source for my ultram. I'm really freaking out about it. I'm down to maybe 500-600 pills and I'm not sure where I'm going to get them anymore for cheap. Because I do so many of them I need them really cheap. Fuck. I'm worried.

I can't sleep either. I slept like 2-3 hours and woke up. Sigh. So I watched a movie and then took a shower and now I'm listening to sad music. I feel like I want to cry, but the tears just won't come. It's been like that for a few days.

I have the alarm set for 10am and I'm going to get up then and pop a provigil along with my morning meds and hope it keeps me awake. Perhaps I'll make some coffee too. Good coffee, not that yuck coffee my mom and dad drink.

I talked on the phone today for 2 hours, while _sober_, that's a very rare occasion for me. I wasn't really nervous easy, so that's good. For the whole thing, and for my anxiety too.

I'm pretty depressed, but for a lot of different reasons. A lot of confusing reasons. Sigh. It'll work itself out and if it doesn't well the Dr. is all for increasing my lexapro dose. heh. I want to try GHB first since I've gotten this new diagnosis which lets me be prescribed these newer meds.

I'm tired but nothing happens. I just lay there.

Guess I'll go try to cry. Again.