I forgot to say that I got started on the (old) purple pill Prilosec. It really isn't that purple, like that make they think it is. I want the (new) purple pill that really is purple. I'm on a 14 day course of taking it, one each morning and it should stop the acid reflux problem and if it doesn't they will have to do some really scary investigating like xraying my stomach with green glowing goop in it and sticking a camera down my throat to check things out. I think it's just my anxiety making everything worse. I don't know. I hope this stuff works. I don't want yet more scary Dr. stuff to happen.

I feel really awful tonight. I want to get messed up again on Ultram like I did last night, but I know I can't get anymore right now. It's too soon. I think I might drink some absinthe and get messed up that way and snort some Xanax I guess. I wonder what that combination feels like. I want to cry my heart out and have someone hold me and care about me.