Well Jen and her bf fixed things and got back together. I talked to her today on the phone for a little, but I was too scared to say anything.

I feel awful. I took a bunch of ultram, xanax, and klonopin because I don't want to feel anything. I asked her how long she would be on, but she left before the ultram got to take effect. So I'm here alone talking to 3 different people that I'm not very close to while I get to feeling fucked up. I put 2 ultrams up my nose and it didn't hurt as much as it usually does. I don't think that is a positive sign.

I want her to be my friend so much. I still want to be with her. She knows that. I don't know how she can talk to me knowing that. It hurts me to talk to her, but I just can't stop talking to her. I like her too much. I still love her and that feeling won't die. The tears won't stop, the pain won't stop, the feeling inside won't stop.