Yet another sleepless night. I wish my body would listen to me. I wish my psychiatrist would listen to me too. Then I wouldn't be in this mess.

I'm worried about Tessa getting together with 'Drew. She's so out of touch with reality, and she's pushing all of her friends away even though she won't say it to anyone. She's going to get hurt. That whole family is a bunch of assholes and jerks. How can she in her right mind date someone that is the brother of someone that raped her best friend. That's fucking ridiculous. I don't see how anyone could do that. Andrew is a mean and awful person and he's going to use her and then she'll come back when she's hurt asking for help again from the same people she pushed away.
Oh well. I wash my hands of the whole thing. Yeah right. I know I'll still continue to worry, but its past anything that I can do. I can't help it.

I think the Paxil is starting to work on me. Possibly. It's so hard to tell. I still have no motivation to do anything, my energy level is only slightly better, but my sleep is still really screwed up, and my anxiety level is higher than it's ever been, and I'm still having the odd crying spell once in a while. At least this Wed., I'm going to up my dose anyway without asking, since I have enough left in this prescription to do so, and I know the shrink will have no problem increasing my Paxil dose. I wish she was that easy with everything else. If she doesn't give me anything good to sleep and anything to help the anxiety more, I'm going to go crazy. I might just refuse to stop going to therapy and stop seeing the psychiatrist. There's really no point if she's only going to help me half way and not address the rest of my problems. I've been in therapy for probably 4 months, it is not going to resolve my agoraphobia or my social & generalized anxiety. Only medication will and my own self determination while on medication to change my behavior and cognitive thoughts.