I'm feeling so fucking lonely right now. There are kind of people to talk to, I mean there's Jade, but I don't have much conversation with her, and there's Cassy who is a darling but conversation with her comes by hard, as I'm not that talkative type or her type, or whatever. I'm feel pretty silly wishing that a certain someone would come online, I mean what's the point. The point is that I won't feel so lonely, or that I can share that feeling with someone I know intimately knows how I must feel and might be feeling the same way, and if they aren't well I can feel how they are feeling or help both of us feel better.
I feel so dizzy from the wine. Drinking to try to make myself content, to pass the time, to make the heartache a little easier. I don't know if I will mess with my mind tonight. I have the desire to, I think, in part because there isn't online to distract me from myself and I need that distraction. I need to stop thinking about the what if's.
What if. Sigh.