Blog. It's nearing 7am and no sleep for tired Allen. I don't know what's wrong with me, well I knew why I was feeling sad, but that's all disappeared, the haze of sleepiness is too overpowering to feel depressed, but somehow I can't fall asleep yet. That depresses me. I'd call Maegan or something, or would of called her last night, if I knew of something useful to say. I don't want to say hi..um..I can't sleep....I feel bad but I don't want to think about it. That's pretty useless, and I don't want to be stupid and useless the first time I call someone, I'm already shy and scared enough as it is. So I sit here and listen to Bright Eyes, Conner can make stones cry with his voice and the sky rain with angel's tears. I want him. lol. Anyone that can make me cry... I want. Seems pretty self-destructive.
I have a very bad habit of liking all of my friends and letting them know it too, yet somehow I remain their friends even though they know it. Maybe it fades from memory? I push it back, because I want friends and if I let my stupid heart do everything for me I'd be even more lonely. I'd never have Nicole as a friend if I didn't tell myself to shut up, even now she knows I still like her, but I talk to her every night and day for hours, so I guess I'm a good friend to anyone that can put up with me.
I haven't taken my antidepressent in 3 days, maybe that's why I'm a little..strange? I don't feel strange, yet. I don't feel much of anything in the way of different, but it hasn't been that long either. I think I'll continue to stop taking it and try to exercise more often instead of every other day. I always feel refreshed and better after exercising even if I was very depressed when I started..trouble is getting started when I'm depressed, but I think I can get a grasp on that.
I don't want to see a stupid Dr. to get medication for my problems, although I think eventually I will have to if I plan on going to school. I don't see how I'll manage college with anxiety stuff, I've always dropped out on the 2nd semester because of constant panic attacks and severe depression. Maybe I won't go to college, maybe I won't do anything, maybe I'll just do some more rotting. I don't know. I'm too scared to do anything, too scared to think, too scared to act, too scared to help myself most of the time.
Scared.

Sing me to sleep Conner...