I'm too upset to fall asleep. I called Maegan and talked to her, but I think I just made her feel uncomfortable, with me not really saying a great deal, and the whole subject matter too. I feel pretty bad. I wrote another letter, because I don't know what to do and if someone just tells me it's easier and I don't have to think.

I'm full of tears and they won't stop.

I really hate myself, I do. I hate my life. I hate everything.