Maegan can crush my lonelyness and depression really good. I just wanted to say that. :)
Unfortunately I'm feeling lonely again. I did the gothic personal thing, yet again, and responded to a couple other ads. I gave up on trying to find anyone in CO to hang out with, there just doesn't seem to be anyone with an ad that I think is interesting, other than meeting Maegan, I haven't gotten anything out of trying to write to people in CO. I shouldn't push my luck anyway, being Maegan's friend is extremely special.
The person I wrote to the other day that lives in TX seems interesting, but she only writes once a day so far. She says she sees a lot of myself in me, which is a nice thing to say, when I babble on about depression and how I like things that make me sad. I wonder if the other 2 people will write back. Maybe if I fill up all my spare time with emailing people I won't be as lonely, but unfortunately it only takes me 10 or 15 minutes to write a 2 or 3 page letter to someone, and there's only so much I can write before someone gets sick of a long letter (usually).

I don't really want to read this stupid book just to get help, and I really don't want to go to a clinic and try explaining my problems to someone just to have them not understand. It's so depressing to think about. Maybe I will tomorrow, but I get the feeling that I'll have to trade something more to get medication. Like my soul or something. They keep talking about how they don't like seeing me do nothing, well college starts soon enough, and I just have been through a lot, I don't see why I can't rot a little doing nothing dreading the future. It feels like I deserve a couple months of doing nothing. I certainly don't feel like doing much more.