My body is punishing me.
I close my eyes and flicker like an addict. Take it! Take it! Take it!
I fear he already did. Underneath my eyelids there's no sleep, just nightmares:
bad blood, tainted trust, and thoughts unwelcome.
The poppy colored violet haze burns me. I can't see through anything else.
My mind is punishing me.
I can't stop it. I can't stop thinking. I can't stop wondering.
Stop it Allen!, I yell to myself voice echoing hollow, but nothing happens.
I'm feeling a bit crazy and every word seems like poetry, when it's just all muddled
and stupid, confused like me.

No sleep, no resolution in my head, just more confusion.
Maybe I do need those pills, those antidepresent pills, certainly not those other ones.
The hours of forgetting aren't worth the hours of punishment tenfold on me, and nothing gets better.
I think I deserve the punishment with or without the pills, it seems fitting when I'm so stupid.
I don't know what kind of pain I'm feeling to feel it through the violet and blue, to have nightmares of my worst fears,
it's something I haven't felt before, but I don't feel like crying and I don't feel hurt, just stupid.