Talked to Nicole for about 4 hours and had a really intelligent discussion. I feel so mentally refreshed. It's been a long time since I've been able to have such discourse with someone. We got into Electra & Oedipus complex and talked about that; and then talked a great deal about sexual stigma and societal values placed on it and meanings of sex and romance and differentiation between the two. I really liked talking to her. I like it when we get into smart conversations as she's witty and intelligent and not many people are up to my level (sorry) and I am usually toned down naturally so I don't come off as an asshole. Just felt really good.

Maegan wrote to me, and it felt really good to hear from her again. I've missed her so much. I do hope she still cares about me as a friend. I think she does, she just has a lot going on in her life. It's hard for me not to be paranoid all the time and think she hates me for whatever reason I can think of at that moment, but I think we'll be good friends forever and I like the thought of it. Emotionally I can open up to her more than I ever have been able to with anyone. I don't even have to try to open up like I have to with most people. It feels comforting to express myself to her. I just miss being able to talk to her each night and tell her my thoughts and personal feelings that are going on inside my head, that's why I'm so depressed lately. I can't deal with my own thoughts and by letting them out and talking to her I could deal with myself, but now I can't. It's really hard. It's kind of a disgusting feeling that I can't handle myself and my own head. I should have control over myself, but I don't.