More being alone, leads to me writing to more people on gothic personals. It's really enoyable, really, writing to people and having them not respond. (The sarcasm feels so thick to me - I think it's because I'm so depressed). I think I might get a response this time though, as I kept my response very short instead of saying quite a bit like I have been. Maybe being shallow lends itself to mystery or something and makes them want to ask questions, instead of me just spilling it all out without them needing to ask, taking away from whatever fantasy it is for them. I actually added someone to my AIM list today. Saw their ad on gothic personals, was an ad for long-term relatoinship, but they said they were looking for friends too, so I added her to my AIM thinking that I would be able to talk to someone new. She is good in a frightening and scary way, but I think she has the wrong idea (or I don't have the right one..) and wants me. Which normally I wouldn't care about, but I talked to her for at the most 15 minutes before she had to go because her Dad came home and needed the computer and she was blowing me kisses and telling me to stay happy. I appreciate the thought, but the kisses after only 15 minutes of talking scared me.
She made me scared of her more than anything, so right now I currently have her blocked so she can't see me and I won't have to think about talking to her, until I figure out what I'm going to do better. I feel confused I don't even know what I want. I just wanted someone to talk to and a friend to hang out maybe and she had to scare me, she was being really good up to that point.
I'm stupid.